Buddha gets a deck!

As Tinkerbell continues on her journey, she focuses to allow the Buddha in her heart to lead the way.  It has been a long and emotionally difficult journey to shift the focus.  Tinkerbell is committed to living life from the inside out.  That means that she knows that love comes from within her first and then flows to the outside.  She does not have to do anything in order to experience love and kindness.  The outside reflects what is on the inside, for the outside can NEVER fill the heart with love and joy.  Our happiness is an inside job.

For all of Tinkerbell’s life she has been living from the outside in.  She believed she needed to be good enough on the outside in order to experience love within.  Thoughts become things, and Tinkerbell’s thoughts of needing to do something in order to receive love became her truth in relationships.  Over time Tinkerbell learned that men are unsafe, and they require her to be someone they need or do something in order to make their lives emotionally comfortable and easier in order to receive their love.  The biggest lie of all was that if they did do something nice for her, eventually they would punish her for their kindness by withdrawing love, leaving a bill, or creating more work in their wake than was there to begin with.

Fast forward to present time with Buddha in charge.  Wow!  Life has changed. Kindness and love radiate from her heart and wonderful things happen without anything required of Tinkerbell.  Countless men have shown up to be kind without any expectation to receive anything.  By opening her heart to loving herself first Tinkerbell is now experiencing love outside of her in many ways.   The most recent example of this is a brand new deck!

2 men and 2 women built my new deck and created a fire pit, all because they wanted to.  My courage was needed to even voice to my beloved friends that a project was coming up.  The 2 men were quick to offer their time and encouraged me not to pay anyone to do it.  Emotions and fears light up in me like a Christmas tree.  This deck would be for my property only.  Of course they would get to enjoy it, but it was clearly for me.  Am I worth that kindness and generosity?  Buddha says, “Yes. Just keep sending love and gratitude.”  By the end of dinner we had a date set to rebuild.  Excitement and calmness washed over me.

2 weeks before the build date another fear bubbled up. “What if they don’t show up to rebuild the deck? I can’t do it myself.  I’d better get a backup plan in for some crew I’d pay to do this project.”  That one was subdued pretty quickly with meditation and everyone showing up on the project morning.  Buddha says, “Shhhh. Wait and see.”

The magic happened with the team working together.  The men were kind to one another.  No tension, no anger, no complaining in the 95 degree heat.  The weekend was hot, the deck needed 95% of it replaced, and none of us had worked together on a project before.  It was a delight to work with these 2 men.  Jeff took the time to stop and teach me how to use a drill correctly.  Funny, it turns out I have been making it harder than it really is for many years.  It is kind of ironic to learn that I was making the use of a drill harder than necessary.  With this new skill, I built about 2/3rds of the railing for the deck and screwed down a few of the boards!  I did have the opportunity to do feminine tasks with my girlfriend, Jessie.  We kept the guys hydrated and fed.  I cooked a spectacular dinner for the completion of work for the first day while almost slicing off my finger tip in the process.  It was a perfect end to the first day of this two day project.

Low and behold another fear came up as I was getting ready for bed.  “What will I do if they don’t get it done and then I have to find someone to finish it?  Oh my, who would I have to hire to do that?  I don’t know who would help me with that.”  I must have said it out loud, because Jeff said, “We will get it done tomorrow.  If we are not able to for some reason then we will deal with it together, but trust me that it will get done.  I will help you.”  A wave of peace and gratitude washed over me.  I had not realized how much tension and fear was wrapped around asking for help and then allowing the person to actually help.

While in Utah last year, I visited Best Friends Animal Sanctuary.  This is a no kill sanctuary for every animal imaginable.  If I were an animal this is the place I would want to live!  While touring the dog facilities I met a full grown female pit bull who had been abused by men.  She had gone through a great deal growing up and as a result she was petrified of men. This came out in growls, aggressive behaviors and if that did not work then she would retreat and bark nonstop until the man left.  At the sanctuary she was showered with love and training just like all of the animals are.  The trainers realized that she had only interacted with mean men.  The trainer explained, “What this dog needed was to meet many kind men and then she could learn that men weren’t mean, just her abusers were.”  The day I met her, she was scheduled to be adopted out by a family that included a mother, father and 2 teenage boys.  With hearing her story, I remember standing there with tears in my eyes.   I realized that I had made an unfair generalization on men.  All of them are not mean.  Nor will they leave me with an unfinished project to find someone else to finish.  I just needed to open my heart to loving myself more in order to attract kind men into my life.  Gladly, I can say that it actually worked.  I have met many kind men in all aspects of my life over the past two years!

buddha's deckSunday evening as the last screw was put in place on the deck, tears came to my eyes as I remembered the dog from Utah.  This was a healing moment and gratitude overflowed right out of my eyes.  I snapped a picture of these kind men who helped to heal my heart and give me a deck.  The Buddha in my heart smiled, and said, “Look!  I told you so.  Keep living from your heart and kindness can’t help but find you!”

Namaste!

Kristin Springfield

Tinkerbell loves Chocolate

In the early adult years, Tinkerbell was busy trying to be seen as a grown up in the eyes of the world she wanted to belong to.  She was 19 when she acquired her first of many dogs, an apartment, and began living with Peter Pan.   That first year of living together as “adults” was filled with great fun as well as frustration.

As a young girl, Tinkerbell could not wait to be a grown up and have a place of her own.  She believed that she would be able to whatever she wanted while creating the ultimate home for herself and her Peter Pan.   This meant that their place would be clean, neat, inviting, smell good, feel relaxing and loving all at the same time.  That is a challenge to bring to life for anyone, especially for a 19 year old who desperately wants approval and acceptance from the outside world.

chocolatesPeter Pan and Tinkerbell had many wonderful times in their first apartment.  After about 6 months of living together, a routine had been established.  Tinkerbell was busy flitting around trying to create that homey, clean, good smelling fun apartment.  She usually did a great job with managing this task.  It would take another 15 years for burnout to set in fully.  Being only 19, Tinkerbell had yet to learn how to manage frustration, disappointment, anger and sadness effectively.  One evening after the newness of living together wore off, Tinkerbell approached Peter Pan about helping out with cleaning.  He was busy watching football and did not hear her.  Tinkerbell responded in an immature way of taking the batteries out of the remote control after turning the TV off all the while walking out of the room in a huff.  Poor Peter had no idea what just happened, and followed after her.  He tried to find out what was the matter and really wanted those batteries.  The football game was apparently getting really good and let’s be honest, it was important to Peter.

Tinkerbell rambled on about needing help around the apartment, feeling lonely and missing the fun Peter promised when he moved in.  Peter knew he was out of his league with this argument.  He apologized and Tinkerbell went to bed.  She was up early the next morning for class and left without saying goodbye.  She was still hurt and angry with Peter for not helping her.

At the end of a long day, Tinkerbell arrived home ready to take the dog for a walk.  It had been one of those days that felt like it would never end.  There were hours of homework to complete, dinner to make and laundry to put away.  Much to her surprise there was a special gift on the kitchen table just for her.  There was a card professing Peter’s love for Tinkerbell, which was wonderful, but the package beneath the card had a profound impact on her mood.  The card was attached to a huge box of assorted chocolates.  Tinkerbell immediately tore the box open and started shoving the delightful chocolates into her mouth. Tears came to her eyes as she immediately forgave Peter for all wrong doing.  She flew into the living room to find Peter in the same spot he had been the night before; on the couch watching TV.  Tinkerbell landed on his lap wrapping her arms around him.  Through her tears and mouth full of chocolate she was able to communicate over and over again, “Thank you!  I love you so much! You are the best, Peter!”

Peter held his Tinkerbell close and giggled to himself.  You see, he checked the calendar today, as he was confused by her emotional state the night before.  He figured out that Tinkerbell was just about to start her monthly cycle and noticed that there was no chocolate in the house.  Peter Pan saved the day with remembering Tinkerbell’s love of chocolate, especially during “that” time of the month.  With a simple purchase of chocolates, Peter was fully forgiven.  Well played!

Tinkerbell and her inner Buddha still find chocolate to be soothing on the rough days!

Here’s to loving chocolate,
Kristin Springfield

 

Peter Pan gets a turkey fryer

Peter Pan and Tinkerbell were a newly married happy couple who arrived in the south that had many new things to discover.  One tradition they had never been exposed to before was a turkey fryer.  This new way of cooking Turkeys changed the holiday tradition of Peter and Tinkerbell in an instant.  The first year they learned about the importance of injecting marinades.  The next year there was the lesson of cooking chickens this new way too.  The following years’ lessons were dedicated to the oil used to fry those chickens and turkeys.  There is an art to cooking this way.  Do it right and it is amazing.  Do it wrong and you have a slimy mess on your hands.

fryerThe tasty birds brought attention from friends that came to visit the south.  All enjoyed this new way of cooking.  Pride beamed from Tinkerbell for several reasons.  Peter was thriving in this manly cooking technique filled with fire and oil.  This also meant that Tinkerbell could gladly hand over the main attraction of the holiday feast to her beloved Peter.  Sounds like a wining situation!

The down side to a turkey fryer is the clean up.  Several gallons of cooking oil are used.  Since it was only used once a year, the oil was not reused.  For safety, the oil needed to cool down completely prior to removing from the huge pot.  Oh, and this cooking takes place outside the home.  Every year there are fires due to improper placement and use of the fryer.  If you put your fryer too close to the home all sorts of things can happen.  Oil can boil out and burn you.  The flame from the propane can set the house on fire.  Your siding can melt if it gets too hot.

This leads to the ideal placement of Peter Pan’s fryer for safety.  The front yard seemed to be the best place.  There the dogs were fenced in the back yard.  The front porch was stone and the hedge covered the fryer from sight of neighbors.  Seemed perfect.  Actually it was safe.  Never did Peter set anything on actual fire with the fryer.  The meals were always tasty.  The clean up was left to Peter which he initially took pride in this task as well.  He loved the large pot and wanted it cleaned as quickly so that he could make chili with it if he desired.

As years passed, the clean up slowed down.  The final year of a turkey fryer in the life of Tinkerbell came on the 10th anniversary of its use.  That year Peter unknowingly ignited a fire within Tinkerbell.  It was a slow burn that did not actually turn into a blaze for several months.  Peter promised to clean the fryer and dispose of the oil after it cooled down.  That seemed reasonable at the time and Tinkerbell showered him with gratitude, as he had done those 9 years before.  Tinkerbell was certain that 2 months was plenty of time to allow the  oil to cool in order to safely dispose of.  She checked with Peter to see if he needed help with the clean up or anything from her to get this taken care of.  Peter proudly declined her help and pronounced that he would take care of it over the weekend.  Tinkerbell felt relief as she put trust in her beloved to take care of this.  She was counting on him.  Also, she was sick of seeing the fryer every day.

Let us remember the safest place for the turkey fryer was in the front yard.  The home that Peter and Tinkerbell lived in was lovely and from the turn of the century.  The sidewalk in front of the house was lined with a dense hedge that came up to Tinkerbell’s chest, and was deep enough that she could not see into the yard from the sidewalk.  You had to walk through the gate to enter the property and walk up the walkway to the front door.  The hedge provided some privacy from the neighbors and street where they parked their cars.  The turkey fryer could not be seen until you exited your car, gathered up your belongings, walked through the gate and started your walk to the front door. This placement provided privacy from others seeing it.  However, it fed the slow burning fire inside Tinkerbell each day she came home from work to see the fryer in the same place filled with oil.

Two months and the promised weekend came and went.  As did 4 more months.  Apparently, a battle of the wills began on Thanksgiving and came to an end the next May.  Peter Pan wanted to please Tinkerbell, but he suffered from “Out of sight out of mind” syndrome.  If you could make it into the front door without looking at the fryer you could be assured that there was something to do in the house that took you away from cleaning that damned fryer.  Checking the mail was enough to forget about the new spoiling yard ornament as it began to be referred to.  Tinkerbell’s requests turned into timelines, then to demands, and finally she fell silent.  It is never good when Tinkerbell goes silent.  That either means she has given up or is plotting your demise.

Peter kept promising.  Tinkerbell continued to be greeted by the fryer every time she came home.  A surprising rage bubbled up inside her when she saw the fryer.  It almost scared her that she could become so angry so quickly.  She felt betrayed by her beloved and hated it.  She tried to adopt Peter’s technique by not looking at it and then distract yourself with something the minute she crossed the threshold of the house.  This out of sight thing seemed to work for about a month.  Then Tinkerbell started to shout!  She shouted in her head at the sight of it. “That Damned Turkey Fryer!  Really?  OMG!  @$$%#!?~!!”  Then the shouting came out of her mouth when she was alone.  She would yell as soon as she got in the house.  This helped for about another 2 months.  Peter seemed to have no idea what was eating Tinkerbell.  “Why are you so mad?  I will get to it.  Don’t worry about it.  Just let it go, Tinkerbell, for Christ sake!  It’s just a turkey fryer.”

By the time her birthday came along with spring, Tinkerbell was hoping to see the fryer gone as a gift.  Nope.  Well, maybe for Mother’s day.  Nope.  By the end of May Tinkerbell relented and Peter won the battle.  He came home to see his beloved Tinkerbell struggling to empty the fryer oil into containers.  Peter rushed over to offer his help.  Tinkerbell put her hand on his chest to stop him.  She says, “Don’t worry Baby, I’ve got this.  It’s just rancid oil. ”  Peter backed away and went into the house.  Tinkerbell finished her task with a twist.  She not only threw out the oil; the fryer and pot joined the oil in the trash.

Peter may have won the battle of wills, but he lost Tinkerbell and her love.  Tinkerbell has yet to welcome a turkey fryer on her property since that day.  She did have a giggle just this year as a result of Peter cooking the Thanksgiving goose in a turkey fryer with his new fairy maiden.  Tinkerbell went to pick up Tiny Tink (her daughter) and noticed 2 huge containers of used oil by the trash. They had yet to make it actually into the trash can.  That trash can and oil is something that you see when you walk up to the house from your car.  Oh, and it was June.  Apparently, some things never change.  Tinkerbell giggled and sent a silent high five to the fairy maiden, for she must be stronger than Tinkerbell.

~Kristin