We all have baggage

During dinner one evening, a friend’s beloved said, “Honey, we all have baggage.  It is your responsibility to keep it zipped up and leave it in the car.  This is not the time or place to open it up and share it with everyone here.”  Simple yet profound!  At dinner with friends is clearly not the place to open your baggage or luggage and go through it.  More often than not, the items are dirty.

I have had a bunch of stinky clothes from hiking in my bags.  There is no place other than the laundry room to open that up.  Looking at emotional luggage is much like dirty laundry from long days of hiking.  There is a time and place to go through it, and almost always, is not when at dinner with friends.  Yes, we all have baggage, but not everyone needs to see it.

Much of my travel has been with the purpose to open any residual emotional baggage and to honestly look at it.  With an open mind and heart, I have the opportunity to look at each piece and decide what is worth keeping.  It is always helpful to have a loved one with you during that process.  Sometimes you must go at it alone.  Time on the road, during long hikes, and meditation allow this cleaning process of that emotional baggage to be effective.  I take the time dive right into the messy parts and talk about it with the Universe.  Somehow in the moments of fatigue or intense focus clarity shows up.  Maybe it is the sweat and tears, but there is definitely a sense of peace that washes over me when any baggage is released.  On this trip my effort has been to lovingly release all that no longer serves my highest good or the highest good of others.  So far it has been an amazing adventure!  I continue to lighten my load and allow life to transform before my eyes.

Namaste!

Kristin Springfield
Actively decluttering her baggage

The power of a 9 year old girl!

 

I had the privilege of spending time with a family at Circle View Ranch in SD.  Their children are all 9 years old and younger.  One day stands out to me when I was reminded how amazing life is for a 9 year old girl.  It is before the hormone shift and the massive changes in your body.  That is when you are roughly the same strength as all the others your age regardless of whether you are a boy or girl.  You have mostly likely not been brain washed completely on how you should look or act.  You are free within your body and embarrassment is not life threatening yet.

One morning my favorite 9 year old girl took me on a tour of her ranch in search of Jack the Jackass.  Our adventure took place on a motorized vehicle called a Mule.  How perfect could that be?  She drove with such confidence as her hair blew in the wind.  The cattle dog racing by her side as her eyes sparkled.  Her inner power just radiated and she didn’t even know it. I turned my head to look at this incredible creature and all of a sudden remembered something about myself.  This is the place where I strive to return to in myself.  This is why I walk in the woods, seek out play ground swings and find laughter in the simplest things of life.  My inner 9 year old is coming back to life.

After decades of believing the outer world on what happiness and success are suppose to look like, I am finally returning.  In that moment with my amazing partner in crime, my heart opened as my soul yelled, “It is about damn time you heard us!”

We went on to find my Jack.  Our laughter and glee could be heard for miles.  She encouraged me to try driving.  I gracefully declined for 2 reasons.  First of all, I have exactly zero experience with driving a mule.  Secondly, I wanted to witness this amazing girl take the reins of life so confidently!

Thank you, Katie, for reminding me how amazing life is through the purest eyes of a 9 year old girl.  My only recommendation to you is to keep that part of you alive and well.  For me, this journey back to my inner 9 year old has been challenging and worth every step.  You inspired me to ride the bunny statue and be the unicorn!  You will continue to inspire me in ways you will not even be aware of.  xoxox

Namaste!

Kristin Springfield
9 year old girl at heart!

 

My life is a beautiful mess in perfect process.

The book of faces has this wonderful and awful feature called Memories. It is hard to believe how long I have been posting pictures and stories on Facebook!  In 2014, I was in one of the darkest times of my life. During my first cross country trip of 2015, I shared a personal journal entry that is filled with honest yet raw emotions of that dark time in 2014. At the time I shared the journal entry on my blog, I knew I had grown a great deal as a result of that dark time, but there was so much more healing needed. Yet now, 3 years later, my life is better than I could have ever imagined. Yes, there are still dark days, and sadness, but the gratitude in my life radiates. My inner love and joy is no longer under attack by others or by myself.

I crave sacred relationships where compassion, authenticity, love, kindness and room to grow as an individual thrive. Having that style of relationships is not reserved only for romantic partnerships. I strive to surround myself in those types of relationships in all aspects of my life, and have been more successful than not in doing so. What this Love Myself A Bit More tour has shown me is, the most valuable relationship is the one I have with myself. It is my job to protect the sacredness of that relationship and truly show up for my highest self in ways I never have before. In the past, my belief was that I needed to be in a romantic relationship to be fulfilled as a human being. Of course, I want one, but no longer require one to feel whole. Learning how to cherish my highest self has allowed the Universe to remove a bunch of the bull shit in my life. Finally, I am learning to get out of my own way! It is disheartening to experience people leaving my life, but I focus on setting them free, as well as myself, in order for us to find our best partners. I have come a long way in 3 years, and look forward to what life will look like in the future.

In effort to remain ridiculously vulnerable, here is the original journal entry from 3 years ago. It is a testament that everything is temporary! My life is a beautiful mess that is in perfect process, and I love it.

09/12/14  Journal of Kristin

I just want to earth to open up and swallow me. This simply hurts so very much. I feel sadness, despair, defeat, unloved, unacceptable, unwanted, a burden, hated, a nothing. My body feels heavy, tired, slow, lethargic, shaky, cold, headache, tight throat, floating, erupting with tears, and frightened, fragmented, extreme heartache.

What am I feeling? Despair. a great loss. sad. sorrow shaking crying like dying, like my soul is damaged and can’t be loved. Pain. such deep despair, nausea. My body feels sick, tired, in sludge, short of breath, the breath holding. insignificant, invisible, tiny spec of nothing and at same time without borders. It is as though I can feel everything. It all is so much. I just want to shut it out. Too intense.

What am I afraid of? That I will die. That I am so flawed. That I cause others to leave me. That my self is wrong, that I am a mistake. That the real me is unacceptable. I am quickly replaceable. I am afraid that I am so toxic to others that it is destructive to someone to love me. That it is unloving to love me, unhealthy and detrimental to others who love me. The good I offer is extremely overshadowed by the pain I cause by just being me. My existence is dangerous to others.

What do I feel is going to happen? Everyone and everything that I love will leave me. That I will be nothing, alone, on the streets, shunned, reduced to nothing of value to humanity or the planet. That I will become dust and everyone will rejoice. My body feels numb and dead already. My eyes get heavy, my voice becomes quieter. My desire is to be small and invisible for if I am not, the world will punish me. The more I show up as me, the angrier the world gets. That it unsafe to be me for others and me. For I cause so much disappointment in someone when I am me. I don’t want them to be mad at me. I want to be seen and heard with joy and companionship and support. Yet I can’t get that when I am me. I need to change to please someone else for I am annoying, a disturbance to them. I am too young, lack maturity, lack personal control. Go play alone until you can control yourself. I was the youngest in the entire family by 10 years in my home. I remember that sometimes it felt like I didn’t fit in. I was always behind. That annoying little girl that the parents loved and cousins were quick to be annoyed with. Always trying to catch up. Just couldn’t. Now here I am. All caught up now and on a second divorce. That is not what I wanted when I was trying to catch up!

My heart feels constricted, boxed in and tight. On the front side of my chest it feels like a knife stabbing into the box. Pressure rises and I simply want to be swallowed up by the earth. Pause and focus on breathing in love and light even though it hurts. Just keep breathing into the heart. Even in the Pit I know that I am love, I am lovable, and I am loved. It is sometimes impossible to pause and connect to that when it hurts. No matter what happens, my heart is radiant. I am radiant. I am love. I am light.

Namaste!

Kristin Springfield

Loving right now
Perfectly in Process
Everything is Temporary