New luggage for the New chapter

Many great ideas come my way when I am submerged in a hot bath. This particular evening the topic of my thoughts was about packing my car for this next chapter in my life. Most of my clothes and a few personal items will be coming with me. All of which has to fit in my car along with the dog, Journey, her items, and all things hiking. I gifted my car with a rooftop cargo carrier to store the majority of my items in order to give Journey room in the car to spread out for our VERY long car rides. While thinking of the luggage I currently have, my heart yelled, “You CAN NOT bring that luggage with you on this next chapter! New ones are required!”

The old luggage has seen many years of travel. They were in pretty good shape, but they had a story of the past that is NOT welcome in this new life chapter. I realize that wherever you go there you are and emotional baggage can come with you if you chose to bring it. Realizing that the old luggage still carried some lingering emotional baggage, I knew it was time to set them free.

One of my very favorite items to collect is tax receipts from donating to the Goodwill. I was delighted to drop off my old luggage at the closest donation spot. Those items will bring joy to another person’s life without any residual emotional garbage!

Immediately after the Goodwill stop, I marched into Marshalls and damn near skipped over to the travel section. Much to my delight, I found three of the perfect luggage pieces for my new life chapter. One of them even has passport style stamps from all over the globe on the outside of it. My heart and soul smiled brightly as I proudly loaded my new luggage which is free of emotional baggage into my car.

I have been slowly packing, painting, and donating items in preparation for this leap of faith for the past month. With doing so, I have removed everything from the walls. It looks much like a fresh canvas. Initially, I was worried that a home with empty walls would cause sadness. Much to my surprise, the opposite happened. There was a constant story going on quietly in the back of my mind every time I looked at pictures or my artwork that made my mood unnecessarily heavy. It was not until everything was gone that the story stopped playing. Without the old painful stories, my whole mood lifted. I am sleeping better, I am future-focused, my chest feels open and my breath is full. This is GOOD! I may or may not ever hang those items on the walls when I find my next Youtopia.

I read somewhere to never be defined by your past; it was just a lesson, not a life sentence. I have more than served my time for my painful past; I chose to set myself free. Today I do that with new luggage!

Just a few pages left in this chapter

This chapter of my life is coming to an end, actually, there are only 25 pages (days) left.  I am moving away from the town that has been home for the past 24 years in order to find my next Youtopia.  Actually, I have lived here longer than anywhere else.  This is the place I have spent all but 4 years of my adult life!  Wow, that is a long damn time.  Where am I going?  The first 21 days are planned, but after that, who knows.  A Christmas gift to my self opened doors to move to the Wild West and explore with an open mind and heart.

24 years ago, I came to Danville, VA.  A new Occupational Therapist with bright eyes and big dreams of a family and career.  All of those dreams came true, just not in the way I planned.  My road to having a family and career took many unexpected turns, much like life does for all of us.  This town gave me friendship, love, marriage, a baby, divorce, a blended family, career expansion, divorce, loss of friendships, yoga, an incredible career, trail running, and the love of tree-hugging along with so much more.  The greatest thing I learned in this chapter is that I HAVE to love myself fully as I am right now and set myself up for emotional success.  Life has a way of working itself out once I get out of my own way.

The Christmas gift to my self was licensure to practice OT in all of the states that made my heart sing while on my Tree Hugging Tour in 2015.  After that epic road trip, I returned to treating patients rather than managing people.  Much to my surprise, treating people reminded me how much I love this work.  So now, I can nurture myself while exploring the Wild West doing something that brings me purpose and joy; traveling Occupational Therapy.

I am excited and terrified at the same time.  It feels like I may puke joy!   I hit the road with Journey, my beloved four-legged companion, on Good Friday as I March into the next chapter of my life.  I invite you to follow me on this Womanly Journey!  Literally and figuratively, it would be great to have you with me.  I will share pictures and blog posts as this new chapter unfolds for both of us.  I am on the ledge and it is time to jump with the faith that one of three things will happen:

  1. The net will appear
  2. I will learn how to fly or
  3. My baggage will turn into a parachute

No matter what happens, it will be an adventure! Those of you who know me well understand that not planning is out of my comfort zone, to say the least.  I understand that the magic of life is right outside of my comfort zone, and that is where I want to be; in the magic of this life!  This is not a reckless trek across the country; it is just an open-ended life opportunity without a defined plan.

I thank you, Danville!  You have been an amazing teacher.  I am grateful for all of the tears and love that you have given me and will carry you with me forever.  You are irreplaceable, comfortable, known and the keeper of 24 years of my life.  I bow out gracefully while admiring your growth over the past 2 decades.  I will visit so we can share stories of the good old days and compare adventures!


Kristin Springfield

Letting go

Letting go is scary, especially when it is letting go of something known and comfortable in order to walk towards a dream that doesn’t exist yet.  We have all been there before.  There have been two things that I wanted in the past that simply could never exist together.  As hard as I tried to blend them, my suffering deepened until the moment I realized I had to chose to keep one and let one go.  It sounds simple enough, right?  It’s not, especially when it involves relationships.

I have wanted a sacred relationship for a very long time.  What that means to me is a relationship where both people are fully present when they are together.  They are kind, loving, honest, and considerate and desire to grow as individuals and as a couple.  They are both a safe place for the other.  They proudly stand beside each other along this journey even as it gets messy.  In essence, I am on a quest to find the feeling of home in a relationship.  That place where you are always welcome, safe, encouraged, supported and loved.  Yet this is not a physical place.

I have had many relationships, at times they have been sacred, but have eventually fallen apart.  The suffering for me reaches its peak when I desperately want the sacred relationship with someone specific who simply is not able to be that person with me.  That is the moment when my heartaches the most.  I either try to morph into someone else in an effort to feel love, or I share my desires while they continue to go unmet.

This leads to such struggle, suffering, tears and so many words.  I spend time trying on the long list of “At least he’s not…” or “At least he is…” This only lasts for so long. The suffering reaches a pinnacle and I am crying more than laughing.  I am so done with crying myself to sleep over a man.  Ain’t nobody got time for that shit!  To end my suffering I have to make a choice.  Choose the man in front of me that is not my sacred person or choose the dream of sacred relationship.  I pick the sacred relationship dream every time.  Sometimes I leave the relationship and other times they leave me.  There is sadness at the end of every one of them. Yet I have to say choosing the dream of a sacred relationship that is like home brings hope to my heart eventually!

A trusted advisor asked me to write what I wanted in a relationship and then write why I deserved it.  My love of writing ceased every time I sat down to complete this task.  I put it off for weeks.  The day before the next meeting with my advisor, I sat down with a glass of red wine, turned on music and attacked this project.  Writing what I wanted was easy-ish, for identifying what I DON’T want is simple.  Coming up with why I deserved those things sent my head spinning.  At first, guilt feelings showed up saying, “Maybe you don’t deserve those loving items.” Just behind that, justification showed up to say, “You do those things, isn’t it okay to receive them?” Next, the monkey mind threw in, “What makes you think you deserve anything?  Doesn’t everyone deserve these?  Just because you are nice doesn’t mean you deserve kindness.” I shook my head and said out loud, “Wait a minute!”  Then it came to me, it is our birthright to be happy.  I simply want to be happy and I’d prefer to move through this journey of life with a partner.  Yet it is still happiness I want above all.  We are here to pursue happiness.  That does not mean that all of life is happy, it means we keep driving toward happiness despite what is in our face at the time.  Life is messy yet simple.  Stay true to your heart of hearts and it will all be okay in the end.  We all will find ourselves face down in the dirt along the journey; just remember to get back up and keep taking steps towards your dreams.

I looked to my left as I finished writing all about our collective birthright to find a picture of my mom smiling on a hike out west along the coast of California.  All she wants is for her children to be happy regardless of what it looks like.  All I want for my daughter is for her to be happy.  In the end, it is what all mothers want for their children.  So just let go of what is not in alignment with your dream and happily keep taking steps towards it.

My dream is to be in a sacred relationship.  Until my person finds their way into my life, I will continue to work on a sacred relationship with myself!


Kristin Springfield
Letting it all go