Less of the same, rather than letting go completely.
Posted on: October 2, 2015 • 2 Comments
On my walk through the Redwood forest a few thoughts gained some more clarity. I have spent a lot of time in the past doing less of the same rather than just letting go. What does that mean? Kind of like the time I believed that I could just smoke less rather than quitting smoking altogether and magically it would be easier to quit. That is not really how it worked out. I would always return to smoking full time until I was sick of it and quit cold turkey. Sure it was uncomfortable, but only for a short while. Doing less smoking just increased the desire to smoke more and kept the discomfort lingering for much longer. My experience of doing less of something that I need to quit tends to bring on a wonderful layer of guilt and destructive self talk.
I noticed that several other areas of my life fit this pattern of doing less of the same thing rather than letting go. Something as simple as dealing with my neighbor who loves to feed my dogs. She used to feed them real food which they promptly became sick in my house from. I decided to be friendly rather than honest while avoiding an uncomfortable conversation. I bought dog treats and asked that she only feed the dogs these. She agreed and went through the entire box in about 2 days. The dogs continued to get sick on my carpet. The do less of the same behavior came up again, and I asked her to only feed them 3 treats a day. Guess what?! They still on occasion had accidents in the house. In my distraction of getting ready for my trip, I did not take the 30 seconds to tell her to stop feeding the dogs. My glorious friend who is house and dog sitting has to deal with an unruly neighbor who is determined to give my dogs 3 treats a day until I return and tell her not to. I took the cowardly kindness avenue which is swiftly leading to a far more difficult conversation upon my return. Had I just been honest with myself first and said no more food of any kind to my neighbor to begin with, this issue would be over. Yet it is not.
My career also comes to mind. I had reached a point that I needed to stop doing what I was doing for a living. I love the people, yet the actual job was no longer feeding my soul. It had become a drain rather than the charge of excitement it once was. In my effort to stay responsible, I was proposing a part time version of the same job. My thoughts were that if I did less of it then I would be rejuvenated. The doing less was about to happen and then I woke up.
I remember being in the woods at the Appomattox river this summer, and realized that I had to quit. Quit my job. Quit the life I created in trying to do less of the same thing. Quit my self punishment. Quit trying to ease the discomfort of others and myself while avoiding the truth.
Truth as I know it right now: I want to be immersed in a community where it is warm more than it is cold. Where there are trees to hug, trails to walk, water to kayak in, and yoga classes to take with friends. I desire to create a home for myself where I can experience healthy relationships being authentically me without running into negativity from the past. I just want to be! I was busy thinking I needed to find my spot in order to bloom. Actually, I need to bloom first, then everything will fall into place.
2 Comments for Less of the same, rather than letting go completely.
- On October 12, 2015 at 11:22 pm (Edit) Sherolyn said:
- You are giving me some serious thoughts. Perhaps I am doing the same thing. Trying to do less of something instead of just stopping all together. I know there is something else in life I want to do more of, and I need more time in which to do it. But doing less of the other is still limiting my ability to do more with what I want.
- I do hope we continue to be friends, I’d love to be a part of the new beginning and healthier side of life.
- You have been a great inspiration to me from meeting at work to reading your blogs.
- Thanks for sharing such beautiful messages.
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- On October 15, 2015 at 1:16 am (Edit) kspringfield said:
- Thank you so much, Sherolyn! Friends we will always be!