Now allow room for others to support….
Posted on: October 28, 2015 • 1 Comment
“Why don’t you stop trying to manage everything for a minute, and let someone else take care of something for you!”
As I listen to my Highlander say this to me, I am caught off guard and it stops my mental circus in its tracks. I just pause and breathe it in. It spoke directly to my heart and I swear I heard my heart saying, “Now there it is! There is your next level of awakening. Imagine what that would be like to allow others to do for you.” Without realizing it I asked to hear it again.
That is exactly what I need; to allow the room for others to take care of me. I have managed, planned, and executed everything. Even along this trip this “work” has dominated. Realizing that I am not comfortable allowing others to do for me just brings me to my knees. During this trip I have put my toes in the water of allowing others to help me, yet not to actually take care of anything for me. I have made less decisions once I arrive at a new location by asking my hosts for recommendations. Doing what others recommend has been incredible. By taking advice from others I have experienced some amazing things! The walks I have been on, the sights I have seen, and the friends I have made have all enriched this journey. Yet there is one thing I have not done. No one is allowed to take care of me or really care for me along this journey. I have absolutely shut that down due to fear. Damn it! Here is another fear to embrace and love myself through. Sadly, this also circles back to self worth. Am I good enough to be taken care of? That is the question on my mind and ego. My heart absolutely says yes and that it is worth it to open up for others. Well, opening my heart to love myself has been scary but so worth it! Why wouldn’t allowing others to do something for me be the same?
Here is an example of allowing that is perfect! My glorious friend Lorrie, offered to stay in my home to care for my dogs and home during my trip. Allowing her to do this has been difficult yet it certainly has enriched our relationship dearly because of it. Guilt continues to try to take over this incredible experience, yet Lorrie always puts my vulnerable heart at ease. I will forever be grateful for her!
I have opened my heart to loving myself. I trust myself to do the very best that I can to take care of me. When it comes to trusting and allowing others to do that for me is when things get a bit shaky. Have that person be a man and you can pretty much forget it. My story tells me that men, who are not family, will not show up for long and will try to crush my spirit when I don’t do what they want. I realize that is a story of the past and that I cocreated those toxic relationships.
Along this trip I wanted to give up the need for 3 things; 1. the need to wear make up to feel pretty, 2. Coffee creamer (because it is impossible to get the right balance on the second cup), and 3. men. This trip has absolutely accomplished letting the need go of all three. It was not about giving them up, it was about not requiring them to feel good. It has actually been very empowering to say no to all 3 of those things along this trip. Yet what I have neglected in this process is opening my heart to allow and even invite others to take care of me in some way.
It is time to trust the universe completely! Allowing others to take care of me will provide unlimited lessons in love and healing. Oh my God, this is tough! Here is a request for help. I will need help to stay on track once this trip is complete and actually leave my toxic comfortable spot of Danville in order to move to a new spot before I return to work. Because I know that if I start working in the Danville area, I may never leave while justify staying some place that no longer feeds my soul. Any suggestions? Oh and I need some money making opportunity ideas too ( a career filled with passion).