I surrender!

SurrenderI surrender!  I find myself asking, “How is this even possible?”   Life has a way of surprising me on a very frequent basis these days.  It feels like my plan is a small suggestion that life threw out with the trash while saying, “Thanks for the input, but I’ve got another idea.” I am quickly approaching the second leg of the “This is it Tour”.  I leave on Sunday for a 2-week trip to further explore AZ and UT.  The storm that is brewing on the home front leaves me excited and confused.

I said it would take a freight train to change my plans.  Have I met my freight train?  Possibly.  This freight train arrived in the form of a yoga partner, book lover, balloon releaser, and spreadsheet wizard with a huge smile for life.  What does this mean?  I will be further spreading my wings of freedom.  My question is ,”Am I staying local or do I go to a new land to spread my wings?”  I learned on my first tour that it does not matter where you go or what you do, so long as you are happy and sending love out into the world.  That sounds wonderful, yet it is challenging to make a decision with that much freedom.

I set forth on a journey to once again quiet my mind in order to listen to my heart fully.  I wonder what message I will hear.

To further illustrate how my plans are mere suggestions, over the holidays, I started writing a book.  My intention was to set up a short back-story to the Tree Hugging Tour.  You know, give a brief outline to what lead to this epic journey.  Nothing too deep, just gets to the part where I get in the car.  The intended focus was on the trip with many more items that were not ever shared in the blog.

So much for my plan!  This book plan has turned into sharing my full journey that lead to the Tree Hugging Tour.  The full story starts when I turned fifteen years old.  It is by far the most healing, challenging and intense thing I have written to date.  Only this time as I put the story on paper I am able to look at it from a distance.  I feel the gratitude for the journey and am prepared to share it for the greater good of other souls trying to heal.    All names have been changed in the book to allow the entire story to be told without exposing anyone who played a part in my life.  If you believe, you will make it to the book send me the “stage name” you would like me to use for you.

I am continually reminded that life will show me what do to next.  The future has a way of working itself out.  I am excited to see what that will be.  Stay tuned for pictures of the next leg of the tour.  It is not much longer until I will be returning to work.  Let’s see what that looks like.

Peacefully surrendering my plan,

Kristin Springfield

 

Healing Surprise

white healing balloonSomething is happening.  Healing shows up in such a surprising way for me already in this New Year.  Over the past 9 weeks, I have dedicated time to going through a practice of meditation called The Presence Process, by Michael Brown.  Many amazing healing and joyful experiences have taken place.  Incredible people have shown up in my life since I started this practice.

The first remarkable experience was when my wonder (step) sons showed up for dinner.  I have missed them dearly since I moved out.  To have them in my home while sharing joy and happiness offered healing that I could not have predicted.  Every one of us now knows that we are loved completely.  Life has taken us on very different paths, yet the love will always be there.

In the midst of this meditation practice, the focus is on breathing without pause.  I am amazed to discover how many times I hold my breath at the completion of each breath.  I addition to breathing continuously, I focus on opening my heart to allow life to flow to me rather than push to have life show up in a certain way.  Naturally, I am a planner and staying in a place of unknown is uncomfortable.

I received a delightful gift of healing a few days ago during a highly intense energy session, as an old emotional trauma bubbled to the surface.  In the past, when memories that carry a great deal of emotional pain show up, I would do what it took to avoid feeling it or crumble at the sight of it.  With the commitment to lean into the emotions in order to learn and heal means that my old techniques cannot be used.

The emotional memory that bubbled to the surface brought with it a full-blown experience of being UNworthy of love.  The feeling of being an object to be used and then easily discarded until needed again dominated.  Worthiness and love were absent.  This time, I was able to look at this from a distance, rather than be taken over by it. The emotional memory seemed to become encapsulated in a form that felt much like a balloon.  I took a deep breath and let this emotional balloon go.  As I felt it leave my heart, it reminded me of the moment when, as a child, a white balloon slipped from my grasp.  Initially, there is dread that I lost my gift or I would get in trouble for being careless.  Then I’d look up as the balloon floated away, and realize there is beauty and peace in watching it float freely into the sky.  It brought a smile to my heart and soul as I let this emotional trauma go.  Initially, I felt fear.  For who am I without these feelings and beliefs?  I am whole, healing worthy of love!

Namaste!

Kristin Springfield