Another layer pulled away

highest self Kristin SpringfieldI am working on my book everyday now.  My goal is to write between 1500 and 2000 words a day.  The words flow easily out of my mind through my fingertips and into the computer.  Today’s task was to write about my adventures while visiting the Grand Tetons.  The highlights of that trip included spending time with a dear girlfriend whom I had not seen in 11 years, a kiss from a male in the form of a Great Dane, hikes and a fantastic raft ride through the Grand Teton National Park.  Some of the low lights included revisiting some raw journal entries, navigating through the loss of the ideas of what I hoped my life would have looked like, and listening to my daughter burst into tears as she read my blog.  

Writing this book is pealing another layer of pain and illusion away.  I am revisiting the joy and tears along my tree hugging tour.  It is not to further live in the past, it is to let even more of the pain go.  It felt like I was shedding layers by the minute while on my trip.  That feeling continues now on most days.  Some of the topics I write about seem

to take longer to recover from.  I may only write for two hours, but the emotions that come up stay for many more.  Today was one of those days.

            I ended up in the woods of Danville talking to a few key painful players from my past aloud as though they were there.  It’s a good thing the woods I walk rarely have anyone else around.  I can only imagine what it would sound like from a distance.  This time it was different. I realize why this book is writing me and continuing this healing journey with such vengeance.  I desire to peel back the layers of my dead self that no longer serve me and release the false beliefs in order to allow my highest self to shine fully!  I love my self more today than I did yesterday, and am confident I will love more tomorrow.  My initial commitment to myself over 7 years ago to move through this world being authentic to my highest self continues to take me on the most surprising and incredible journey.  I am not about to stop now.

I find myself in relationships that further reveal the value of authenticity.  No matter how uncomfortable the truth may be, it is worth exposing me in order to share the joy loud and proud without fear of judgment.  The judgment from others is not my business.  I have come to a point in my life where the people who know and love me are so happy that I am in a place where I am treated with kindness, love and respect while feeling happy and not trying to kill myself!  They don’t much care about anything else and that makes my life grand.  I am so thankful for the love I receive.  Those of you who matter don’t mind what my life looks like, because you love me anyway.  Those of you mind what my relationship resume looks like, don’t really know me for who I am and therefore there is no room for you to matter.  For all that really is important in this world is that we are truly happy.  It is when we are happy with ourselves that we make the greatest impact on our world and the world of those who love us.

Namaste,

Kristin

2 and a half out of 3 is awesome!

Womanly JourneyWhen we ask for 3 things to happen in life and 2.5 of them come to life is pretty amazing.  Gratitude fills my heart today!

Taking a six-month break from life as I designed it has been incredible.  It actually has given me perspective about what is important to me separate from popular opinion of how life should look.  I finally understand that loving me is most important.  I have heard that saying and said it many times in my life.  Yet I lacked clear understanding and the skills in which to put it into practice.

Being on the road for 9 weeks cleared my head and heart of the head trash of I had been carrying around for my entire life.  It turns out that most people do not really care what I do in my life.  The way in which we all (including me) judge people and their choices is simply a projection of our own fears, beliefs or discomforts on to others.  What other people do in life is none of my business!  Giving the business of others back to them is so freeing. Releasing my judgments of others is even more freeing.  The actions of others provide more information about what still needs healing in me.  Rather than talking negatively about what someone is choosing to do in life, I can send them love and happiness in their choice.  Along that same note, it is not my business if others do not like, agree with, or believe in what I choose to do in my life.  There are three kinds of business: God’s business, my business, and other people’s business.  With taking care of only my business, I find I have discovered there is much more time to focus on what I really want to do in this life of mine.

With focusing on my business, the life I desire to live comes into focus.  I want to write.  I want to write something meaningful and healing for myself and offer it to others.  Therefore, I do that in some form every day.  I want to put my hands on people through occupational therapy in order to make a meaningful impact on their lives.  I want to experience a life balance that includes working part time and living life full time.  I have accepted and exciting part time position to do just that!  I also wanted to move to a new town with freedom from financial stress.  Well, it looks that one is going to wait for a little while.  Writing and a life balance are far more important than a new town at this point.  The half of the last is the financial peace.  For me, peace in finances is worth more to me than a new address.

Two and a half out of three desires is awesome.  I love how the universe works and look forward to the next chapter of life.

Namaste!

Kristin Springfield

New direction

Direction

I have been home one week and two days.  What did I learn at the conclusion of “This is it Tour”?

  1. I desire a life filled with peace, love, joy and freedom.
  2. I desire to experience part time work in order to support my passion
  3. I desire to explore my passion of writing the other part of my time

Much of my time in my adult life has been somewhat like a race to get to the next level of an elusive definition of success.  Now that I paused long enough to look at myself, the direction for my life continues to evolve beyond my comfortable thoughts.  The levels I worked hard for in the past were for the purpose of external validation and acceptance in the rat race to success.  I understand how those efforts to gain a new level were in the wrong direction.  They focused on the outside of me rather than focusing on my heart.  This new desired life is not a specific physical place; it is a state of mind with a peaceful heart.  After 5 months of taking steps to fall in love with myself, I am delighted with where I find my life going.

My passion in writing is growing and taking me on a new direction.  My desire to positively affect the lives of others through therapy reawakened on this final trip.  My commitment to honoring my highest self deepens and strengthens daily. Freedom for me at this point in my life looks like meaningful occupational therapy in order to support and enhance my writing.

While compiling the tour stories, I found myself writing a book rather than just a collection of blog entries.  Actually, this story is in me and demands to be written, is a better description of what is happening.  I surrender to the life process of mine.

By surrendering, I have experienced many wonderful things over the past 5 months of retirement/ sabbatical/ midlife recreation.  Gratitude for taking the leap of faith bubble up to the surface daily.  This is it Tour provided the gift of wonderful friendship that I cherish!  I must confess; I am interested to see how my writing will look with me being happy rather than sad.  I am delighted to learn how to navigate that.

Stay tuned for excerpts from the story.  As I will be sharing some on the blog soon!

Namaste!
Kristin Springfield