How do you know when you are absolutely free from the past? It is the moment when you come face to face with the past and smile with your whole heart with true absence of fear. Tonight was my experience of true freedom. I met with my beloved friend whom spent 9 weeks in my home loving my dogs while I traveled to beautiful National Parks hugging trees. We decided to return to a local favorite restaurant that has an outdoor patio.
It just so happened to be the same restaurant that the Highlander and I dined the night before my tree hugging tour began almost 7 months ago. It was the same patio that I locked eyes with my second ex husband as the hostess opened the door to invite me to select my table. Then I was able to smile at him, but felt sick at the same time with fear and anxiety. This time my friend led the way out the door to the patio. The music played and I recognized a friend playing the guitar when I glanced to my left. Then as I scanned the patio for a covered place to sit due to the oncoming rain, I locked eyes with my youngest wonder (step) son. We smiled and waved. He is beyond precious! Automatically I scanned the table to see who his companion was. You guessed it, there sat my second ex husband. This time I smiled with my whole heart and mouthed, “Hey!”
My authentic smile and peace was not because I was delighted to run into him. My smile was an external representation of internal healing. He was just another person in the restaurant and I used to know him. I have worked hard to forgive myself, love myself and heal from the past. The past no longer exists and I desire to be fully present while loving life and myself at the same time. Seeing him without a violent internal reaction brought such joy to my heart that I was able to communicate a greeting. That is the same thing I say to anyone I make eye contact with when I am smiling from my heart. He is just like everyone else now, no longer special or problematic to my personal peace. HOT DAMN! That freedom feels amazing! I love it when God/ universe (fill in your word here for something greater than you) has a way of gently revealing the distance I have traveled emotionally along my healing journey.
I continued to the spot where my friend and I enjoyed dinner, wine and laughter. The 30 day cleanse ended a bit prematurely around day 20, therefore wine is back in my diet. I noticed that I was not distracted by the presence of my ex husband on the premise. When I would tune into him being there, I sent love and went back to enjoying my friend. It felt amazing! Evidence of true healing!
The icing on the cake was to have my wonder son, whom is now over 6 ft tall, come over. I received a wonderful hug that will resonate for days in my heart. He is precious and delightful. In addition to the gift of a hug, I enjoyed a few private moments of time to talk with him. Thank you again, God!
Tonight was an amazing reminder of healing! Sometimes the evidence of healing may be quite and lack drama. That is when I know in my heart that healing is working overtime. I am free at last!