I stumbled across a journal entry from August 18, 2015. This was after I turned in my resignation, yet was still working. An interesting question came to me from a friend that captured my attention, “Where will you cast your stone for the kingdom of God?” Here were my thoughts at the time. It is interesting to see where my mind and heart were at the time. I continue to focus on many of the same things. Enjoy!
What is my stone and where am I going to throw it?
I just received the most amazing email from a work friend. She sent such a heartfelt message about how I make her feel just plain ol’ good and am a rare gift of encouragement to life. OMG! That just brings tears of joy and sadness up. I have spent so much of my life believing no one noticed me and that I did not matter. Here come all of these incredible messages of my amazingness. It is almost too much to accept. I want to open my heart and allow myself to be bathed in love. I have only abused myself when the men of my life stopped. Somehow that actually feels more like home than all of this love.
Love is coming from the external in surprising ways. It is a return cycle to making the commitment to step up as me and the positive karma I have finally created. I plead with my mind in many ways these days. I say almost begging to this part of me to please let it come in. This continues with more messages like, “This is part of collecting yourself from the past. Drink up every bit of this love. See it, feel it, believe it! For this is the fuel to live your highest life. Your friends truly do love you. Now you are experiencing the love from coworkers. You bring such joy to the simplest things in life. Maybe juvenile joy helps to reflect the beautiful child within everyone. That is when you experience authentic abundance.”
I say daily to myself that I love myself more each and every day, even though it feels odd to do so. Well, now that is showing up outside of me. I am now living life from the inside out. Hot Damn! I think that I have to figure “it” out. No I don’t! The doors will open and close with perfect timing. Something clicked this morning in a thought that closed doors are something to celebrate. Notice the open doors and bathe in all the love. I strive to allow the tears of joy to flow.
Now I see all of the facade of my fears, ego and personality. They are all lies. My friend nailed it in her message to you about Maya Angelou’s quote: “people will forget what you said, they will forget what you did, but they will NEVER forget how you made them feel.” Keep it up girl! I trust that this life journey will reveal more than I can possibly imagine. I remember when I stood before the foot of the bed on Townes Street declaring that I would move through the world differently, I was commanded to take charge of my life for once and for all. I had no idea that would lead me to where I stand today. I am thankful for finally surrendering!
I am continue to surrender and discover ways to cast my stone for God. Cheers to enjoying the process of life!