Tinkerbell is yelled at for her beauty

 

Tinkerbell Chronicles of beauty

Tinkerbell comes home after a long day at work with one desire in mind; create in comfort.  She pulls into the garage and as she puts the car in park off goes her bra.  Ahhh! Relief and sigh accompany her walk into the home, up the stairs into her bedroom.

Tinkerbell has worked for years to love her body fully.  She bought into the false belief that you must be thin.  She came up in the time where thin was “In”.  Now women are expected to be more fit and tone which produces a different style of pressure to be “attractive”.  On the low self love days Tinkerbell immediately goes back to feeling she is heavy.  Even as her love and appreciation for her body come to life, there is still the old habit of negative self talk.  In the past she drew all of her body acceptance from her beloved Peter Pan.  That worked out well for Peter, because Tinkerbell would do anything for his compliments and approval.  Well, now that Tinkerbell is finding more love within herself she owns her body in a whole new way. Peter struggles with this change in Tinkerbell.  For his power to have Tinkerbell dependent on his compliments is slipping away.

Tinkerbell noticed as she pulled into the driveway that she is home alone.  With a spring in her step she hangs up her work clothes and skips to the dresser to dress in comfortable clothes so she can work on her latest art project.  She has thought about this project all day.  She can’t wait to get out her paints to finish what she started last night.  In that moment Peter Pan walks into the bedroom.  He’s home early.  Tinkerbell is happy to see him and turns toward him.  Peter looks at her up and down, huffs out in disgust, then turns and walks out of the room.

Tinkerbell is confused and looks down at her body to find herself in underwear.  Peter has seen her a million times like this, why is today upsetting?  Like any woman, she begins to feel bad about how she looks, and the old self hate messages begin to bubble up.  She starts with the self doubting questions, “Am I too fat now?  Does he not find me attractive?  Did I do something wrong?”  She shakes her head with certainty that there is something else going on.  Tinkerbell puts her clothes on and heads into the living room to find Peter visibly upset in his chair.

“Peter, is everything okay?” Tinkerbell reaches over to touch Peter.   “It’s fine.”  Peter barks back as he pulls away, “Are you done in the bedroom taking your clothes off?”

“Yes but, I am wondering if something is wrong.  Do you no longer find me attractive?  Or if I have done something to upset you. I notice that for the past few weeks you have been walking out of the room when I am changing and not coming into the bathroom to talk when I’m in the shower like you used to.  Is there something I am missing?” Tinkerbell quietly questions.

Peter Pan jumps up with rage in his eyes and yells, “That is ridiculous!  You are perfect physically and beautiful beyond belief.  You are stupid for thinking that you’re not!  I don’t want to see you undressed, because you now own yourself and hold all of the cards.  Since I have no control over any of that I don’t want to look at you, clothed or not.”  Peter storms out of the room as Tinkerbell stands there stunned.

underwearShe reviews in her head what just happened with an internal dialogue.  “Did I hear Peter correctly?  Since I now call the shots when it comes to my body, he doesn’t want to look at me.  Oh, and I am attractive to a fault in his eyes and stupid for not seeing it.  Interesting.  Well, I am certain how I can get some more private time; prance around the house naked and Peter Pan will go running for the woods.”  She says this as she return to her art project in just her underwear.

Peter stormed back into the art room, took one look at Tinkerbell, and left the house.

Own your body, mind and spirit.  The Peter Pans of the world will reveal themselves soon enough.  You will know who truly has your best interests at heart.

Namaste!
Kristin

 

 

 

 

Introducing Tinkerbell Chronicles

What do you think it would look like if Tinkerbell and Peter Pan were to marry?  I imagine, Tinkerbell would probably flit around doting on Peter’s every whim.  Loving every fun thing he did, while cleaning up after his shenanigans.   She most likely would freely sprinkle her fairy dust, so others would join in the fun.  All the while she would desire nothing more than to have others love her in order to feel her worth.

I went through what I called a Tinkerbell phase.  Actually, I just completed that phase not too long ago.   I was that girl, girlfriend, and wife whom would over do, over give and over extend herself to please her man.  This version of me worked to prove her worth by trying to do it all at the same time.  There really wasn’t much left for the man of my life to do when in relationship with me.  Much like Tinkerbell, I magically took care of most everything, including the blame for failure. I’d flit around managing the emotions of others while trying to do enough, be enough, make enough, look desirable enough and be magically fun enough all at the same time.  That lifestyle is not sustainable, and eventually, Tinkerbell crashed.

Yet I must say, there are many interesting stories from that Tinkerbell phase in my life.  The way my man at the time eventually grew to expect this doting.  He would become angry, needy and punish like I imagine Peter Pan would if he suddenly was asked to grow up. Now imagine what it would be like for Peter Pan if Tinkerbell woke up from this crash and wanted to own her life back.  How would Peter react?  Would he embrace this new life with Tinkerbell?  Would he have a temper tantrum? Would he support her and grow up with her?  Or would he just look for another fairy?

tinkerbell freeMany times we wait for some major life tragedy to take a serious and up close look at our lives.  I am no different in that, and sometimes I wait far beyond necessary to make a shift in life.  In my experience, these “life analyzing” events are not overly dramatic.  They are nothing like finding my man in bed with another woman.  They are more like the quiet voice in my heart finally getting fed up with me and smacks me in the face with a message to LOOK and LISTEN to what is happening around me.  They look more like regular Tinkerbell life events without the rose colored glasses on.

My Tinkerbell phase came to a conclusion, much to my surprise, at the foot of my bed.  I just completed the last load of family laundry for the week, which was likely to be over 10 loads.  I carried the clean clothes to each person’s room and laid them on their bed right next to last week’s laundry that had yet to be put away.  Upon going to my room, I noticed the unmade bed with my man’s clean clothes from last week next to the bed. I sighed with frustration, as he promised to make the bed since he was the last one out of it that morning.

As usual, I went on to make the bed gritting my teeth while trying to shove down the disappointment and anger building inside of me.  Just as I finished, my man promptly came in and sprawled himself right across the bed relaxing with his hands behind his head.  I can still see the smug smile on his face, and hear the satisfied exhale of relief.  Something in me shifted in that very moment.  It was like my vision suddenly became clear as my head cocked slightly to the side while I met my man’s gaze.  Without thinking words fell out of my mouth that set Tinkerbell’s freedom in motion, ” I will move through this world differently. The way I have moved through life thus far is destructive to my life, my soul and to my relationships.”  I said it calmly as it was not a threat it was just honest.  My man balked, “You can’t do that!  You are who you are! What are we having for dinner?”  I cleared my throat and calmly stated the truth, “Watch me.  Whatever you prepare for dinner is what you will have.”  I walked out of the room and promptly signed up for the most intensive self learning and healing sessions of my life.

That was 8 years ago and looking back, I see how powerful that declaration was to reclaiming my freedom.  My inner Buddha was finally heard.  My mind and all the demands it makes to please others is what I call Tinkerbell.  My calm heart and spirit is what I call my inner Buddha.  As I shifted from life being ruled by my mind to  a life where I invited my heart to guide me provided many stories and lessons.  Those stories early on in the shift, I call Tinkerbell Chronicles! Just imagine Peter marrying Tinkerbell and waking up 7 years later to find Buddha in his bed.  How upsetting that might be for Peter and what lengths would he go to in order to bring Tinkerbell to her senses?  Let’s just say, happy and over joyed would not be in the description of Peter’s feelings.

Current time, I continue to seek balance in life with Tinkerbell and Buddha.  Sometimes Tinkerbell gets out of hand and has to be calmed down with meditation and wine.  Life shifted drastically from that day at the foot of my bed.  Many of the major players of my life at that time are no longer with me on this journey, including my Peter Pan.  I am happier for the messages from my heart, Buddha, lead me on more amazing journeys than Tinkerbell, my unchecked mind, ever could by herself.

Embrace your inner Buddha and stay tuned for a story from the Tinkerbell Chronicles!

Namaste!
Kristin Springfield
Visionary Enthusiast

 

Lessons from 20 years of motherhood

Mother and daughtermother daughter joy20 years ago today, my beloved daughter, Mackenzie was born.  The lessons she brought with her are numerous and all rooted in love.  From the moment I realized I was pregnant, I could not contain my joy.  The test barely showed I was pregnant and I jumped up and down with excitement, for I was going to be a mother!   The most amazing part was realizing that my body somehow knew what to do. Mackenzie started with the lessons of life while she was in utero and has not ceased.  Some lessons I have mastered and others I swear I will be working on for the entirety of this lifetime.   Here are few of my favorite ones to share with you on Mackenzie’s birthday

 

 

Lesson 1:  You have no control, so you might as well surrender to the process.

miss chevious 1At about 6 weeks pregnant, bleeding began.  I was at risk for a miscarriage which then turned into bed rest.  All the things I thought were important like work, exercise, socialization suddenly were not.  Apparently, this was just the beginning of that lesson.  At the time of Mackenzie’s grand entrance I had been on bed rest for about 6 months.  Talk about surrender. What the female body does to create a baby and birth it into this world is nothing short of remarkable.  The female body only needs 1 sperm to bring forth life.  Just surrender and allow the body to do what it is designed to do.  My job became focused on eating healthy, allowing my body to do its job, and try not to lose my mind in the process.  The surrender lesson continued at every stage in her life.  You have only the illusion of control.  Make plans, and watch God change them!

Lesson 2: Children are the wisest people on earth

Mackenzie asked if she could go play with a group of kids on the other side of a field when she was about 5 years old.  I agreed and walked with her to the group.  She started to run and I told her that we would walk together.  She explains the proper way to make friends is to run up to the group, say Hi, ask their name, tell them yours, ask if you can play together, and then you are friends.  “It’s that easy Momma.”  I pause and realize how much life as an adult could be simplified if we applied that technique.  Unfortunately, the experience of puberty and middle school gives great weight to of caring what others think.  That concern of others’ thoughts can make the simplicity of friend making difficult.   While on my Tree Hugging tour I applied this technique of a 5 year old.  It was freeing, wonderful and I made friendships that created an incredible experience.  These simple joys in life that children are the first to notice is our reminder to live in this moment with an open heart.

Lesson 3:  Friendship and connection has a flow to it.  All you need is faith

 

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Lesson 3 is a combination of 1 & 2. We all have friendships and relationships that come to a close in our lives.  Relationships flow in and out of our lives.  Some are for a lifetime, and some are for a season.  No matter how many times it happens, it can still be painful.  I was struggling with the ending of one special friendship when Mackenzie was 12 years old.  She could see I was having a tough day and asked what was wrong.  I explained that I missed my friend and felt a bit lost without this friend.  She says, “I am sorry, Momma.  Just remember that you are moving towards new friends just as they are moving towards you.  You just haven’t met them yet.  Have faith, they are coming.”  Her words touched my soul and warmed my heart.  I remind myself of those wise words whenever I am feeling lonely.  The needed people are moving towards each other all of the time.

Lesson 4:  Apologies and forgiveness has incredible power to love fully

GraduationGrowing up I remember asking my mom WHY! On many things, only to hear her say, “You will understand when you have children.”  I would get so mad and try to demand her to tell me now.  Of course, that never worked.  When I became a mother, I suddenly understood many things that my mother was talking about.  I called my mom several times during Mackenzie’s childhood and adolescence.  Some of the calls were to share my new found understanding.  Many of the calls were to apologize for my heartless behavior as a teen.  I remember hearing the relief and love in her voice as she forgave me and offered kindness as my daughter did some of the same things to me.  Karma is a bitch.  I tried to continue to apologize to my mom in order to clean up my karma in advance before adolescence hit my world as a mother.  No such luck!

I recognized as a working parent and tired person that sometimes I was not at my best.  Recognizing that and apologizing to Mackenzie had incredible power of love as well.  With my apologies, Mackenzie opened up and not only forgave me, but would reflect on her own behavior as well.  I have been blessed with heartfelt apologies from her, and I did not have to wait until she became a mother.  She has shared with me on several occasions that my willingness to apologize when I was hurt or angry helped her to remember that above all I love her completely!

Lesson 5: Kindness does not require agreement

As Mackenzie was growing up I had a few very simple goals for her at the time of high school graduation.  I wanted her to be free of drug addiction, free of children, and free to follow her dream at that time in her life.  We all know that our “dreams” change and careers are rarely lifelong.  I wanted her to have a clear path to create her own life.  Well, as clear as possible.  I see drug addiction as something you forever have to navigate.  I know having a child shifts everything.  I am also aware that creating your own path is challenging especially if your chosen something different from anything your family knows.

Her dreamAll of those things did come true for her.  She did choose a path in the culinary world.  She was greeted with great resistance from loved ones.  I had the opportunity to support her on her path or try to steer her into something that I am comfortable with.  I chose to support her, for I saw the passion and joy in her face when in the kitchen.  She loves what she is learning about nutrition, the culinary world and life itself. None of that is easy, for I remember being a 20 year old college student.  She is on her very own unique path.  Sometimes it is a challenge because I once had a different story for her life.  It was my job to carry her story as she was a child, now as an adult it hers to complete.  My new job is to love her as she makes her way in this world.  Agreement is not required for love and kindness.  She has fledged from the nest, I cheer her on.  I now have my own path to create after my adult child has left the nest.  We are kind and love to each other daily!

Motherhood is the most rewarding, expensive, heart opening, challenging, and worthwhile event I have done in my life.  I thank God daily for gifting me with Mackenzie!  Happy Birthday to my sweetheart!

Namaste!
Kristin Springfield
Momma