What do you think it would look like if Tinkerbell and Peter Pan were to marry? I imagine, Tinkerbell would probably flit around doting on Peter’s every whim. Loving every fun thing he did, while cleaning up after his shenanigans. She most likely would freely sprinkle her fairy dust, so others would join in the fun. All the while she would desire nothing more than to have others love her in order to feel her worth.
I went through what I called a Tinkerbell phase. Actually, I just completed that phase not too long ago. I was that girl, girlfriend, and wife whom would over do, over give and over extend herself to please her man. This version of me worked to prove her worth by trying to do it all at the same time. There really wasn’t much left for the man of my life to do when in relationship with me. Much like Tinkerbell, I magically took care of most everything, including the blame for failure. I’d flit around managing the emotions of others while trying to do enough, be enough, make enough, look desirable enough and be magically fun enough all at the same time. That lifestyle is not sustainable, and eventually, Tinkerbell crashed.
Yet I must say, there are many interesting stories from that Tinkerbell phase in my life. The way my man at the time eventually grew to expect this doting. He would become angry, needy and punish like I imagine Peter Pan would if he suddenly was asked to grow up. Now imagine what it would be like for Peter Pan if Tinkerbell woke up from this crash and wanted to own her life back. How would Peter react? Would he embrace this new life with Tinkerbell? Would he have a temper tantrum? Would he support her and grow up with her? Or would he just look for another fairy?
Many times we wait for some major life tragedy to take a serious and up close look at our lives. I am no different in that, and sometimes I wait far beyond necessary to make a shift in life. In my experience, these “life analyzing” events are not overly dramatic. They are nothing like finding my man in bed with another woman. They are more like the quiet voice in my heart finally getting fed up with me and smacks me in the face with a message to LOOK and LISTEN to what is happening around me. They look more like regular Tinkerbell life events without the rose colored glasses on.
My Tinkerbell phase came to a conclusion, much to my surprise, at the foot of my bed. I just completed the last load of family laundry for the week, which was likely to be over 10 loads. I carried the clean clothes to each person’s room and laid them on their bed right next to last week’s laundry that had yet to be put away. Upon going to my room, I noticed the unmade bed with my man’s clean clothes from last week next to the bed. I sighed with frustration, as he promised to make the bed since he was the last one out of it that morning.
As usual, I went on to make the bed gritting my teeth while trying to shove down the disappointment and anger building inside of me. Just as I finished, my man promptly came in and sprawled himself right across the bed relaxing with his hands behind his head. I can still see the smug smile on his face, and hear the satisfied exhale of relief. Something in me shifted in that very moment. It was like my vision suddenly became clear as my head cocked slightly to the side while I met my man’s gaze. Without thinking words fell out of my mouth that set Tinkerbell’s freedom in motion, ” I will move through this world differently. The way I have moved through life thus far is destructive to my life, my soul and to my relationships.” I said it calmly as it was not a threat it was just honest. My man balked, “You can’t do that! You are who you are! What are we having for dinner?” I cleared my throat and calmly stated the truth, “Watch me. Whatever you prepare for dinner is what you will have.” I walked out of the room and promptly signed up for the most intensive self learning and healing sessions of my life.
That was 8 years ago and looking back, I see how powerful that declaration was to reclaiming my freedom. My inner Buddha was finally heard. My mind and all the demands it makes to please others is what I call Tinkerbell. My calm heart and spirit is what I call my inner Buddha. As I shifted from life being ruled by my mind to a life where I invited my heart to guide me provided many stories and lessons. Those stories early on in the shift, I call Tinkerbell Chronicles! Just imagine Peter marrying Tinkerbell and waking up 7 years later to find Buddha in his bed. How upsetting that might be for Peter and what lengths would he go to in order to bring Tinkerbell to her senses? Let’s just say, happy and over joyed would not be in the description of Peter’s feelings.
Current time, I continue to seek balance in life with Tinkerbell and Buddha. Sometimes Tinkerbell gets out of hand and has to be calmed down with meditation and wine. Life shifted drastically from that day at the foot of my bed. Many of the major players of my life at that time are no longer with me on this journey, including my Peter Pan. I am happier for the messages from my heart, Buddha, lead me on more amazing journeys than Tinkerbell, my unchecked mind, ever could by herself.
Embrace your inner Buddha and stay tuned for a story from the Tinkerbell Chronicles!