Being Enough

Writing has always been my thing.  It soothes me, it helps me to remember things, and brings me joy.  A journal is forever by my side.  I write down funny things people say, absurd thoughts, and inspirations.  There is always a blog post idea every few days.  Sometimes I hear myself say a loud, “Now there is a blog post!”  I am certain to write it down in my journal, yet sometimes they do not make it to the blog.  My goal in writing is to be honest, authentic and vulnerable.  Sometimes topics are just too intense or involve other people whom don’t need exposure.

Yet today is a day that is about my awakening.  I work with a hard ass business consultant.  We met when I returned home after my tree hugging tour last December.  During our first meeting, he listened to me ramble on about all the things that I could do to earn money for about 5 minutes.  He did not even have the decency to nod and smile like we are all taught as children in order to be polite to at least look like you are paying attention.  My guy does not care about my feelings, he cares about my dreams!  For that I am forever grateful.  He asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.  That stopped my tirade of employable skills list.  I took a deep breath and with every fiber in my being I claimed my dream, “I want to write and be paid for it.”  He said,”Then do that. Stop all of this other madness and write.”

I took his advice and stepped into a world I was petrified of; actually going for my dream.  The plan was part time work to feed me so I could write my story.  My passion for writing was now free to blossom.  It felt so good to write my story even though it required me to look at the darkest parts of my journey. It has all been worth it for this week my hard ass business consultant I met this to discuss what is next now that the book is complete.

In our discussion the topic of publishing came up.  Somehow it slipped my mind that I did not tell him about my article in the Washington Post about my trip in March.  Now it was his turn to stop to look at me.  Apparently, being published in the Washington Post is a pretty big deal and I just dismissed it.  I sent my story in online and figured they had no other submissions.

“So let me get this straight, you let your self esteem issue get in the way of celebrating and capturing your achievement.  Stop that!” It kind of sucks hearing that one.  I had to shake my head yes.  Oh, and this consultant regularly makes me cry with his ability to see right through my delusions and tell me the truth.  As I realized that I have things to celebrate already in the writing world,  he follows up with, “I have read your book and know your story.  There is something here worth going after.  A message you must take to heart now is that you are ENOUGH just as you are!  It’s time for you to pick better men and love yourself even more!”

I drop my head, exhale, and feel the tears well up in my eyes.  He leans in to whisper, “If he will not move heaven and earth for you to achieve your dreams, then he is NOT your man. Keep looking.”

Apparently, I have some homework on all fronts and I am excited about it!  I continue to push through fears, old self defeating beliefs and am so proud of the gains I have made.  Yet I am far from done.  It’s time for all of us to believe we are ENOUGH and go kick some ass while achieving our dreams!

And, does anyone want to help me write a query to publishers?  I have no idea how to start that one.

Namaste!
Kristin