I have been in the hallway of life for about 5 months now. The next obvious door has not opened, nor have I been shoved through one by God. Actually, the message has been to stay in the hallway, until now. Many fabulous people and experiences have visited me in the hallway, yet it is time to go to “My room”. I remember when I was young and told to, “Go to your room!” Sometimes it was after behaving badly, other times it was to simply spend quiet time alone, or to get homework done. As I grew up I understood that actually the object was for my parents to have private time without the ears or eyes of a child around. I imagined then, that they were always talking about my pending Christmas presents. Maybe there is a place called “My room” along this hallway where I can stop and regroup. I simply need to find it.
I have been parenting myself now for many years, and have developed some great skills that I am proud of. For example, I work hard on projects with a desire to create something that not only achieves the goal, but is fun for others and eye opening. Yet some of my skills are not healthy on a long term basis. I tend to overdo, seek opportunity to help others, take on huge emotional healing projects (like this blog for example), and over exercise all the while taking no breaks. Just recently, I exercised to the point that my abs hurt so badly I thought it may be my ovary exploding. Nope, it was just from doing way too many extended plank holds and running too fast because of my awesome music selection. NO breaks, turns into painful burn out. Then, your body pretty much forces you to take a break. Well, the last time I allowed myself to burn out completely; I drove 11,000 miles and quit work for 7 months.
As wonderful as that experience was, I can’t afford to do that yearly! There has to be a better way for me to love myself enough to stop, take a break and go to “My room”. Through completing my first book, reading my travel journals and starting the second book, I remembered where I feel at peace; on the road. Is the road “My room” or is it something more than that?
I will just have to find out, because I am going to “My room” for 2 weeks. I am gifting me with the ultimate Valentine’s Day gift; a mini solo trip to Arizona and Utah. The people I met in those two states along my journey helped to heal my heart and soul in a very unique way, and I am going back. What I am leaving behind is just as important. My roles of daughter, mother, care taker, worker, therapist, coach, and the girl who just wants to be liked at any cost are staying here, because I know that they will be waiting for me upon my return.
The moment I clicked the purchase button for the ticket my heart sang! And then my soul wept with gratitude while saying in relief, “Thank God, she FINALLY listened!” Whatever residual stress, heartache, and pain find their way with me on this trip will be left in the woods, thrown at the base of great red rocks and given to the wind. I will have sleepovers, stay up late and talk all night in “My room”. I will drive alone, hike alone, and talk to God alone. The only person I am taking with me is the highest and quirkiest version of me, and she can’t wait!
I will gladly “Go to My room!” I love this kind of “Time Out.”