My dad passed away on December 8th peacefully while surrounded with love in his sleep. I feel joy and relief for him, as he is no longer trapped in a body or mind that no longer allowed him to enjoy life. He was loved fully by everyone who met him and by those who helped take care of him in his last months of declining health. The love that surrounded him in his final days will stay with me forever, for in the end, love really is all that matters.
Yet, I am still here on earth navigating the beautiful mess of a perfectly imperfect life. I have to say that I am exhausted in a way that reminds me of life with a new born except no one is waking me up every 2 hours. It is hard to explain.
The tidal wave of love that has found its way to me through friends and family is amazing and daunting at the same time. Much of my adult life I believed that I was not worthy of love. It has only been in the past few years that I no longer accept that to be true, yet actually receiving love brings tears to my eyes every time. Friday I received a basket full of personal loving gifts from my work family to help me through this time. I burst into tears at the kindness and love in my direction. Those tears continued throughout the weekend as love showed up in cards, hugs and honest conversations about what to expect over the next few months. The authenticity cuts right through the bull shit of my thoughts trying to push away the love coming at me and speaks to my heart and soul in such a way that I can’t ignore. I am reminded that humanity loves at its core, we simply need to get out of the way of our false beliefs to experience it.
Gratitude washes over me with every loving gesture I receive and witness towards others. A warning to you, if you see me crying it may be more about love than sadness.