During my last week off, I spent 3 days on an emotional healing retreat in Sedona before settling into my winter home in Sierra Vista. I spent time in guided meditation and other amazing types of healing sessions all centered on letting go of residual emotional garbage that continues to replay in my mind regardless of my efforts. Something clicked this time; there is only one power worth investing in, and that is Love!
Three years ago I quit life, got in my car and drove across the country with the purpose to hug trees and love myself again. It was a wildly successful trip, yet healing a lifetime of self-depreciating beliefs takes more than one road trip to rewrite loving messages across my heart, soul, and mind. I gifted myself with 4 days of healing with Inner Journeys on that 2015 trip. Returning to Inner Journeys on this particular trip of 2018 felt kind of like coming home. It is always easier to work with trusted healers after they already understand your brand of “messed up”.
The resonating message during this retreat revolved around my lack of feeling safe and worthy of love, help, companionship, etc. For those of you who understand chakras, my root chakra was in dire straits. During a session, I shared that frequently I feel as though I’m hovering above my bed and that I have to remind myself that it is okay to allow the bed/floor/earth to hold me. It was not so surprising to realize, that I am in constant fight or flight mode. A go-to technique for me to find peace is physical exhaustion. You pick the physical activity that I possess the skills for and I will do it until I have nothing left; yoga, running, cycling, hiking, and dancing. If I am not sweating, it isn’t “enough”. I am able to understand this underlying insane drive and chose to do something different.
I am a Human Being, not a Human Doing. Being requires nothing of me other than to be me, oh and breathe. Learning more specific meditation tailored to me proved to be profound. Yet understanding and embracing there is only one power, LOVE, is the game changer. My focus, energy, thoughts, and beliefs have been divided between Fear and Love. More often than not, Fear received all of my attention with the hope that one day I would conquer the Fear and then Love would win. Well, that is not how it works. I had it backward. Love is the only power worth my time, effort and energy. Then and only then will Fear fall away.
Choosing Love over Fear is simple to say and embrace when in the safety of my room or in the blissful Sedona environment. Yet, step outside of Sedona and watch what happens. The micro decisions made all day long prove to be harder than you realize! All is fine with focusing on Love with ease until you are lost in the woods, literally.
Just yesterday I took my first hike in Sierra Vista, AZ. According to my trusty hiking app, this particular canyon hike was to be a 5-mile loop. Well, that loop turned into a 9 mile vaguely looped unmarked ending with hopes to find the car. Now that is when it took everything I had inside of me to feed Love, not Fear. I had water, snacks, a tracker with an SOS button if I got into real trouble, good hiking shoes, no injuries so I kept going. Eventually, I was going downhill and found a house at the beginning of a road with a light on. As Journey and I walked up to the house soaked because it had been raining for the past hour and a half, I had to work to choose Love. I found myself giggling at the sight we must be when a woman nervously answered the door. I wonder what she chose, Love or Fear. All I wanted to know was where we were. Fortunately, we were on the same road as our car according to the last directions I used on Google. Sadly we were at 33 on the house numbers and our car was at 799. Continuing to choose Love, we ran and walked along the street to our car and arrived before dark. Safely making it home we were just in time for chicken soup. The maps for the area have been downloaded to my Garmin, my housemates’ numbers are in my contacts, and we are ready for our next hike.
Embracing Love rather than Fear kept me much calmer, allowed me to talk a LOT to God along the hike, and kept me grounded during the whole experience. Today I explored a nearby town, Bisbee. Being unfamiliar with that area as well, I connected with shopkeepers and followed their advice. I wandered around aimlessly most of the afternoon. Much to my surprise, I was more relaxed because there were people around to ask for ideas and directions at every turn. Continuing to choose Love gifted me with the opportunity to be completely present in each moment of my day. It was nothing short of heavenly!