Beyond the point of return

Beyond the point of return

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Posted on: October 12, 2015 • 1 Comment

I have crossed an invisible line.  I am beyond the point of returning to life before this journey began.  This sense of unknown is present, but peaceful.  Tomorrow I travel to Sedona, Arizona to participate in a 3 day personal retreat with a place called Inner Journey.  It is perfect timing.  I want to let go of what is left of what I have been holding on to.  It is time to go fully into this release process.

I still wake up some days and miss my old life.  I miss my family that I thought I created to last for the rest of my life on 2 different occasions with 2 very different men.  Those realities are over.  I must complete this healing cycle and let myself go from them both.  It is not about letting the families go, for they are already gone.  There is no going back to any of that.  If given the choice, I would not return.  Yet to be completely honest, there are times I want to be part of that life again.  They both had amazing joy and love, just not anymore.  Hell, I don’t even feel like I can ever really return to living in the same town I started this journey in.  That is where the spirit of those 2 families started and ended.  I need a new place to settle into my life as this wholehearted, vulnerable, courageous, and loving self.

This is not about feeling sorry for myself; it is quite the opposite.  There is no regret.  I have the privilege of  being the most present with and looking at myself without the distorted lenses of lies.  I participated in dishonoring myself more than I realized.  In those families I desired to find evidence of being enough outside of my self in order to see my value.  This journey thus far has proven that to be completely wrong.  Value lives within us.  The external simply reflects back what we believe to be true about our own value.  Making a go at life in this new way is foreign, exciting and the most heart exposing thing I have ever done. Add writing this blog for all to read and you have my vulnerability at its peak!  Brene Brown would be proud!  It is worth it all, yet filled with challenges.  Stay tuned for my navigation through the personal retreat.

Namaste!

Kristin Springfield

 

The spot is you, dear!

The spot is you, dear!

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Posted on: October 11, 2015 • 0 Comments

One of the many purposes of this trip is to find my spot to live next.  I have visited so many amazing places that my list of possibilities is growing!  I have experienced some clarity while in nature of understanding that the “spot” is really in me.  Yet a mind blowing moment occurred the other day with regards to this.  I shared with my brother that I had not yet found my spot.  He says to me very simply, “The spot is you, dear!  It always has been.” As I let that sink in, it seemed as time stopped.  Tears flowed as I laughed out loud.  It wasn’t a psychotic break, it was an ah ha moment!  Embracing that the spot I have searched for is not something external, it is actually me.  I just needed this journey to release the lies I have been telling myself all this time.  I truly can go anywhere and do anything, the spot I am looking for is me.  It is not outside of me; it is me.  It is not in a particular area of the country; it is me.  It is not in a job or a bank account or a relationship, it is me.  I just have to stay true to my highest self and the rest will fall into place.  Taking the trip to hike through the beautiful parks and forests has brought me back home to myself.  I am gathering pieces of myself I have abandoned along the way while I let go of the lies of not being worthy.  Let’s just say it feels amazing as I welcome those aspects of myself back home.  There are often tears that vary from sadness to joy.  Above all, the dominant feeling is gratitude.  The release of lies feels like an amazing weight has been lifted from my soul.  Words can not describe the peace.  For that I will be forever grateful!

Visiting friends along this journey brings even more those parts of me home.  During my time in Wyoming I reunited with 2 women whom one I hadn’t seen in 11 years and the other was 5 years ago.  While in Washington I reunited with a woman that I haven’t seen in 7 years.  Now I am visiting with a woman that was a great friend in high school and I have not seen her in 20 years.  All of the amazing women reminded me of parts of myself that they love and provided encouraging support to this journey.  Reconnecting with them has reminded me the true value of friendship.  Life sometimes gets in the way and people drift out of daily life.  However, all of that time apart vanishes once we were back together sharing now and catching up.  Picking up where you left off is only part of it.  We get to celebrate each other’s growth process.  For all of these woman have learned such amazing things about themselves along their own journey.  Having the privilege to open my heart to the woman reminds me how supported I have been, even in the darkest days.  I have more friends from my past to visit along this journey.

My brother blew my mind with the Spot is me.  Now it is my plan to honor that.  It is very peaceful to embrace that I am blooming right where I am.  Since this is something I can do anywhere, I am  so loving all the stops along this journey.  Mind blowing trips seem to be my current passion!

Namaste!

Kristin Springfield

Freedom reclaimed

Freedom reclaimed

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Posted on: October 8, 2015 • 4 Comments

Today while I stood on top of Moro Rock at 6725 feet in elevation above sea level in Sequoia National Park , something shifted. Granted I did walk up over 400 steps, so the feeling different was more than feeling my heartbeat in my ears.  Looking out onto the skyline brought tears to my eyes.  I had just ascended the stairway to my heaven and the beauty of this place brought such overwhelming peace and love in my heart.  Actually, this love was overflowing right out of my eyes.  The message that came to mind was, “You are absolutely free! You needed to be here to understand that.  I am so proud of you!”

Yesterday, I felt as though I was so close to something.  Like the moment before a breakthrough in a problem that you’ve struggled to solve.  When you know you are close to solving that complicated math problem, yet it still needs work and you can almost see the solution unfold right before your eyes.  That excitement is what I felt all day yesterday.  Maybe it was being in this amazing forest of giants.  When realizing these trees have lived for thousands of years, things in my life gained clarity.  I don’t feel insignificant in comparison.  Nor do I believe that my struggles mean nothing.  Quite the opposite.  I feel very significant and valuable when living life as my authentic self.  I see that my struggles and misunderstandings were necessary for me to reach the point of where I am today.  For all of that, I am so thankful!  It is incredible to feel the weight of carrying those struggles simply shed away.  The weight is melting.  It is remarkable to realize how much emotional pain weighs on the heart and soul.

I have absolutely no idea what I will do while dedicated to being authentic. Nor do I know where that will be or how I will get there.  I surrender all of that to the universe.  I promise to focus on blooming wherever I am, while allowing others to move through their process however they choose.

So much of my past has been trying to either gain understanding and value from others when I had neither of those things for myself.  Even when I received those things, I had no way of recognizing it.  If there is no place for something to land, it goes by unnoticed.  Similar to expecting an airplane to land where there is no airport.  In emergencies airplanes can land without an airport, yet those tend to be in extreme circumstances without 100% of successful landings.  I see why people project onto others what they see most in themselves.  An angry person is most likely to end up angry with another, because that is what the recognize most.  A jealous person will eventually project jealousy onto you.  The same is true for a very hurt person.  I projected a great deal of needing to grow and become better onto others.  I forever am growing and healing.  That is my journey.  That has not been the same for others in my life.  Honoring where each person is and understanding impermanence would have added more love and grace to moving on.

I am honoring my journey, embracing impermanence and loving where I am in my process right now.  The scenery is absolutely spectacular!  God has created some incredibly places that I am fortunate to experience.  Man is an amazing creator as well, yet God and Mother Nature certainly have us beat!

Namaste!

Kristin

4 Comments for Freedom reclaimed

  • On October 9, 2015 at 6:53 pm (Edit) Emily said:
  • Happiness is the willingness to allow yourself to be you. I’m so proud of you!!!
  • Best
  • Emily
  • Reply to this Comment
  • On October 11, 2015 at 6:16 pm (Edit) Kirsten Lausier said:
  • Hey Kristin,
  • Reply to this Comment
    • On October 11, 2015 at 6:26 pm (Edit) Kirsten Lausier said:
    • Hi Kristen, It is so good to hear of your wonderful journeys and your description of self growth and spiritual connectivity is beautiful! You have earned every second and I’m glad you struck out to the calling without inhibition and with all your great ambition at that! You are truly an inspiration and I have learned so much from you. Keep moving, creating, experimenting, feeling and growing while keeping us up to date, your posts are so well written that I feel like I’m right next to you.
    • Are you still taking orders for the Womanly Journey products? I want to purchase some items for my daughter and start providing the education via your program sooner that later. Patricia is 9 years old now and really starting to blossom, she yearns to be healthy and I want to encourage and feed her with the good knowledge, sound advice and provide a path to good mental, physical and spiritual health for her.. and me too!!!
    • ~ Kirsten Lausier 757-803-8689
    • Reply to this Comment
  • On October 15, 2015 at 1:19 am (Edit) kspringfield said:
  • Kirsten,
  • It is wonderful to hear from you! Thank you very much for the support and kind words. I am still selling the bracelet. Please email me at everything@womanlyjourney.com with details.
  • Sending you and your amazing daughter much love!
  • Kristin