No more mind trickery!

no more mind trickery!

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Posted on: September 27, 2015 • 2 Comments

I am no longer responsible for the past.  I did the very best that I could with what I knew at the time.  That is what we all do at all times, unless we are intentionally manipulating the emotions of another.  I can’t change the past, nor do I get some sort of credit for reworking it in my head.  It makes me laugh when I finally stop the madness of mental trickery.  I have spent countless hours dissecting the past.  I can slice it and decide what I could have done differently in order to alter the outcome. Or at least what I could have done so I might have looked better, stronger, or less sad.   I have perfected that skill in such a way that I tend to jump into the future.  I practice conversations that will most likely never happen.  I can’t remember how many times I meet my second ex husband in my mind.  These imaginary interactions varied greatly but always included the minimum of the exchange of the word hello.  Well, that is not how it happened when I actually saw him in real life the day before I left on this journey.   When I saw him I made positive eye contact and sent love to his highest self.  No word left my lips.  That was the very best thing I could have done. So, I am releasing this ridiculous mental mind garbage of wasting the perfect present with planning the future and dissecting the past.  I trust that I will do the very best that I can at the time.  Just think of all the energy I will be saving!  I can only imagine what I will do with that newly available energy!



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Let it go in the enchanted forest

Let it go in the enchanted forest!

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Posted on: September 26, 2015 • 0 Comments

Glacier park served up an amazing day!  The lakes, mountains and trees feed my soul in a whole new way.  The day started with a walk through the enchanted forest.  The forest ground was soft due to all of the moss.  I felt like I was in a Disney movie.  Except the wild life is real and can’t speak English.  The trees smelled so wonderful.  The smell of earth and growth just consumed the area. Just so peaceful and inviting.  Some were growing straight out of rock.  If these incredible trees can grow out of rock, I can certainly grow regardless of where I am planted.

I took a yoga class outside one day and the instructor said something that has stuck with me.  She shared that she was very frustrated with where she was living and her mood was foul.  Her mother told her to bloom where you are planted.  I am not currently planted anywhere, yet it is important to bloom wherever I am.  Today in Glacier I decided to bloom.  In order to bloom I have to put a few things down.  While in the enchanted forests, I decided to let go.  I let go of the past pain, for it no longer serves me.  I let go of the idea and attachments I have held so dearly to relationships, for they too limit my ability to experience myself and to express love fully.  I let go of what I thought I was suppose to be, for those thoughts were created as a child without any understanding of authentic love.  I actually forgive myself, for I did the very best that I could at the time with what I understood to be true.  I then allow the peace to wash over me.

Whether I like it or not, it is difficult to truly put the past down.  I drove today through an area of the forest that burned about 3 years ago.  There are numerous dead, burnt trees in the midst of a vibrant new forest.  The dead trees provide nutrients for the new trees and new growth.  Nature offers so many examples for life.  Out of death there comes new vibrant life.  It reminds me of my favorite scene from Fantasia 2000 with the fairy.  That new life is there because of the death of the past.  The past offers nutrients and space for new growth.  Truly letting go of my past means that I allow and offer space for new ideas and opportunities to grow.

I remember quitting smoking a long time ago.  Declaring that I quit was easy in comparison to not lighting up a cigarette 1000 times a day.  Letting the past go is similar to quitting smoking for me.  I realize intellectually that it does not serve my emotional or physical health, yet there  is still a pull to pick it up and light it.  Everyday I make 1000 micro-decisions to stay true to myself and stay in this beautiful present moment.  I know that I am doing the very best that I can and may falter with a desire to pick up the past in order to pretend how I should have done things differently.  I just keep breathing in and out the very fresh air that is around me.  An amazing chant to ground me is to remember I have arrived while I breathe in and I am home as I breathe out.  However, on the really difficult days, I am so glad to find myself behind a car with someone smoking a cigarette and I breathe in deeply my past for just a moment.  I can then let it go a little bit more. If nothing else works, all I have to do is crank up the theme song from Disney’s Frozen, Let it go, then I feel so much better!



I know your heart

I know your heart

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Posted on: September 24, 2015 • 0 Comments

“I follow your blog.  It saddens me and makes me happy at the same time.  How could anyone treat another person like you were treated?  Especially, you?  I know your heart. ”  I almost had to pull the car over as I listened.  Authenticity travels through the phone and pierces my heart in such a way that tears came to my eyes as I said the only thing I could, “Thank you.”

I write as though no one reads it in order to process.  I post to connect. Anything I receive in return for putting my soul out there is a gift.  The person who shared these authentic words with me,  I have not spoken to or seen in years.  Authentic writing and sharing win every time.   I wonder why it took 4 decades to sum up the courage to share my authentic self?  Why does it take such despair to touch another’s heart enough to reach out?  Tell someone today that you know their heart, it may be just what they need to hear.  For it was exactly what I needed today!

Thank you to all of you for your support, encouragement, taking the time to read and for sharing your authentic self!

Namaste! (The light in me honors the light in you)