Are you done with this Phase yet? Nope, just getting started!
Posted on: September 28, 2015 • 0 Comments
I have been gone from the life I lived in Danville for 22 days now. My ego and personality are becoming restless. The internal conversations remind me of what it is like to go through a particular “phase” growing up and your parents or friends becoming tired of it. The parental part of my brain is saying to my spiritual side,”Okay, now I have had about enough of this shit! Let’s get back to the way it is suppose to be!” Interestingly enough, this is not a phase. This is my life. There is no turning back in order to make other people comfortable. There is no going back to being productive in the over responsible self defeating ways of the past. It is really uncomfortable to sit where I am (in the driver’s seat literally) and claim my personal freedom.
Do you remember any of your awful “phases” growing up? I sure do! One in particular stands out to me. I was in 7th or 8th grade and in the ever challenging time of 13 years old. Skate rate punk was the newest thing on the streets of suburbia. Well, at least, I thought it was. This was all pre- Seattle grunge. Being in Seattle reminded me of it, since it still seems to be a thing there even now. Anyway, I made a new friend who was dating one of these skate rat punk guys and I thought it was amazing. I wanted to listen to their music, look like they did, and in essence fit in. My mom really wasn’t too keen on ragged torn clothes and honestly neither was I. So, I compromised a bit. I went for the high top Chuck Taylor shoes, that I still like today. Instead of the all black and flannel experience, I went for pink pants and a freshly pressed striped shirt that was too long and huge. Makeup and hair styling was something spectacularly awful. Let’s just say it was a bit off. I was busy trying to fit in and missed the point that my friend and her boyfriend liked me just fine before I abandoned the way I looked and moved through the world. Determined to not give up, I grew to love the different music of Black Flag, Henry Rollins, and Metallica. My family had a sense of humor and patience about this phase and gifted me with some yellow and red flamed high tops for my birthday as a joke. I just got rid of them recently as they were worn out! I never did receive the speech from my parents or family about needing to get over this phase. It was my friends that finally sat me down and told me I looked rather foolish and that they missed me. When I did return to my previous 80′s fashion, I was delighted to realize my friends were still there. Afterwards, my mom did confess that she was glad to have that “phase” complete. (I have no picture with me to share, fortunately, of that particular look.)
What is interesting about this journey right now in my life, I notice that I am returning to myself much like I did in middle school. The phase I am finally abandoning simply lasted 24 years.
Tree hugger and loving it