Letting go and letting in: Flow

Letting go and letting in: Flow is visualized

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Posted on: October 14, 2015 • 0 Comments

Flow: the process of letting things go and letting things in our life.  Today was day one of a personal healing retreat in Sedona, AZ.  It included 4 parts.  All were so valuable and intense, and some are difficult to put into words.  The one by the creek about life flow was spectacular!  Follow along as I attempt to walk you through this personal spiritual experience.  Imagination is needed.  While sitting at a wonderful creek, my retreat guide asked me to do some visualizations.

First visualization was about releasing what no longer serves me in life.  I was to visualize behaviors, beliefs, and patterns I am holding onto and place each one in a separate sphere.  Visualize bringing each sphere up to my heart then allow it to roll out of my heart, down the rocks, into the water, and down the creek.  As this release occurred I was to say thank you for the things I was letting go as their purpose was done.  So in essence bring up something, put it in a ball, let it go and say thank you.

This creek and the rocks in the water represent the flow of life.  That exactly what we need flows to us and we are to let things that we are done with flow away from us.  That sounds easy enough and peaceful.  Well, I found myself laughing in the process.  My thought was to be literal and do this one item at a time.  As soon as I handed over permission for all behaviors, beliefs and patterns that no longer serve my highest good to return to the flow of the river, that’s when the flood happened.  It was like knocking over a huge container of marbles.  They just seemed like really happy marbles pouring into the water, while joyfully waving goodbye.  I was delighted as well to see these marbles go home.  I couldn’t say thank you back fast enough to each one, so I just said it to all as though they were one.  There seemed to be one heavy bowling ball sized sphere left in my heart that felt dark and heavy.  This one was reluctant to leave, for obviously I have fed this behavior for a very long time.  This one stayed around to allow me time to look at it and name it.  This final belief, behavior and pattern is called shame and unworthiness.  Once that one dropped, I felt a nano second of loss.  I have held onto that one for a long time, and have defined myself in many different ways through the belief of being unworthy and feeling shame.  Yet as that loss left more space opened for what was next.

The second visualization was about welcoming in behaviors, beliefs and patterns that will bring me peace, love and joy while on my life journey.  There was a calm flow of the water in the background.  Slowly came these large cantaloupe sized brightly colored orbs. They reminded me of bubbles that I used to blow when I was a kid.  The huge ones that only stayed full for a moment.   Yet these bubbles flowed out of the water, up the rocks and into my heart.  Remembering this was a visualization, and it was amazing to just experience this rather than over think it.  These spheres continued to grow in size and color bringing a more intense feeling of love and gratitude with each one.  I could not tell what these newly embraced gifts were exactly.  They didn’t reveal themselves as a relationship or new job.  Yet I can confidently say they are filled with love while feeling weightless in comparison to the released ones.  The last bubble was so large that it passed through the trees along the creek and rolled until it enveloped me completely.  It reminded me of the bubble that Glenda the good witch in Wizard of Oz traveled in.  This supersized 10 foot in diameter sphere felt like home in my heart.  That place where you know all things are right within and all around you.  This was the moment when the word alright separated into All Right.  No matter what I do, where I go, or who I am, the decisions made are ALL RIGHT when coming from the heart.

I imagine by the completion of day 3 I just might be levitating!

Namaste!

Kristin Springfield

Beyond the point of return

Beyond the point of return

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Posted on: October 12, 2015 • 1 Comment

I have crossed an invisible line.  I am beyond the point of returning to life before this journey began.  This sense of unknown is present, but peaceful.  Tomorrow I travel to Sedona, Arizona to participate in a 3 day personal retreat with a place called Inner Journey.  It is perfect timing.  I want to let go of what is left of what I have been holding on to.  It is time to go fully into this release process.

I still wake up some days and miss my old life.  I miss my family that I thought I created to last for the rest of my life on 2 different occasions with 2 very different men.  Those realities are over.  I must complete this healing cycle and let myself go from them both.  It is not about letting the families go, for they are already gone.  There is no going back to any of that.  If given the choice, I would not return.  Yet to be completely honest, there are times I want to be part of that life again.  They both had amazing joy and love, just not anymore.  Hell, I don’t even feel like I can ever really return to living in the same town I started this journey in.  That is where the spirit of those 2 families started and ended.  I need a new place to settle into my life as this wholehearted, vulnerable, courageous, and loving self.

This is not about feeling sorry for myself; it is quite the opposite.  There is no regret.  I have the privilege of  being the most present with and looking at myself without the distorted lenses of lies.  I participated in dishonoring myself more than I realized.  In those families I desired to find evidence of being enough outside of my self in order to see my value.  This journey thus far has proven that to be completely wrong.  Value lives within us.  The external simply reflects back what we believe to be true about our own value.  Making a go at life in this new way is foreign, exciting and the most heart exposing thing I have ever done. Add writing this blog for all to read and you have my vulnerability at its peak!  Brene Brown would be proud!  It is worth it all, yet filled with challenges.  Stay tuned for my navigation through the personal retreat.

Namaste!

Kristin Springfield

 

The spot is you, dear!

The spot is you, dear!

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Posted on: October 11, 2015 • 0 Comments

One of the many purposes of this trip is to find my spot to live next.  I have visited so many amazing places that my list of possibilities is growing!  I have experienced some clarity while in nature of understanding that the “spot” is really in me.  Yet a mind blowing moment occurred the other day with regards to this.  I shared with my brother that I had not yet found my spot.  He says to me very simply, “The spot is you, dear!  It always has been.” As I let that sink in, it seemed as time stopped.  Tears flowed as I laughed out loud.  It wasn’t a psychotic break, it was an ah ha moment!  Embracing that the spot I have searched for is not something external, it is actually me.  I just needed this journey to release the lies I have been telling myself all this time.  I truly can go anywhere and do anything, the spot I am looking for is me.  It is not outside of me; it is me.  It is not in a particular area of the country; it is me.  It is not in a job or a bank account or a relationship, it is me.  I just have to stay true to my highest self and the rest will fall into place.  Taking the trip to hike through the beautiful parks and forests has brought me back home to myself.  I am gathering pieces of myself I have abandoned along the way while I let go of the lies of not being worthy.  Let’s just say it feels amazing as I welcome those aspects of myself back home.  There are often tears that vary from sadness to joy.  Above all, the dominant feeling is gratitude.  The release of lies feels like an amazing weight has been lifted from my soul.  Words can not describe the peace.  For that I will be forever grateful!

Visiting friends along this journey brings even more those parts of me home.  During my time in Wyoming I reunited with 2 women whom one I hadn’t seen in 11 years and the other was 5 years ago.  While in Washington I reunited with a woman that I haven’t seen in 7 years.  Now I am visiting with a woman that was a great friend in high school and I have not seen her in 20 years.  All of the amazing women reminded me of parts of myself that they love and provided encouraging support to this journey.  Reconnecting with them has reminded me the true value of friendship.  Life sometimes gets in the way and people drift out of daily life.  However, all of that time apart vanishes once we were back together sharing now and catching up.  Picking up where you left off is only part of it.  We get to celebrate each other’s growth process.  For all of these woman have learned such amazing things about themselves along their own journey.  Having the privilege to open my heart to the woman reminds me how supported I have been, even in the darkest days.  I have more friends from my past to visit along this journey.

My brother blew my mind with the Spot is me.  Now it is my plan to honor that.  It is very peaceful to embrace that I am blooming right where I am.  Since this is something I can do anywhere, I am  so loving all the stops along this journey.  Mind blowing trips seem to be my current passion!

Namaste!

Kristin Springfield