Are you done yet? Nope!

Are you done with this Phase yet? Nope, just getting started!

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Posted on: September 28, 2015 • 0 Comments

I have been gone from the life I lived in Danville for 22 days now.  My ego and personality are becoming restless.  The internal conversations remind me of what it is like to go through a particular “phase” growing up and your parents or friends becoming tired of it.  The parental part of my brain is saying to my spiritual side,”Okay, now I have had about enough of this shit!  Let’s get back to the way it is suppose to be!”  Interestingly enough, this is not a phase.  This is my life.  There is no turning back in order to make other people comfortable.  There is no going back to being productive in the over responsible self defeating ways of the past.  It is really uncomfortable to sit where I am (in the driver’s seat literally) and claim my personal freedom.

Do you remember any of your awful “phases” growing up?  I sure do!  One in particular stands out to me.  I was in 7th or 8th grade and in the ever challenging time of 13 years old. Skate rate punk was the newest thing on the streets of suburbia.  Well, at least, I thought it was. This was all pre- Seattle grunge.  Being in Seattle reminded me of it, since it still seems to be a thing there even now.  Anyway,  I made a new friend who was dating one of these skate rat punk guys and I thought it was amazing.  I wanted to listen to their music, look like they did, and in essence fit in.  My mom really wasn’t too keen on ragged torn clothes and honestly neither was I.  So, I compromised a bit.  I went for the high top Chuck Taylor shoes, that I still like today.  Instead of the all black and flannel experience, I went for pink pants and a freshly pressed striped shirt that was too long and huge.  Makeup and hair styling was something spectacularly awful.  Let’s just say it was a bit off.  I was busy trying to fit in and missed the point that my friend and her boyfriend liked me just fine before I abandoned the way I looked and moved through the world.  Determined to not give up, I grew to love the different music of Black Flag, Henry Rollins, and Metallica.  My family had a sense of humor and patience about this phase and gifted me with some yellow and red flamed high tops for my birthday as a joke.  I just got rid of them recently as they were worn out!  I never did receive the speech from my parents or family about needing to get over this phase. It was my friends that finally sat me down and told me I looked rather foolish and that they missed me.  When I did return to my previous 80′s fashion, I was delighted to realize my friends were still there.  Afterwards, my mom did confess that she was glad to have that “phase” complete.  (I have no picture with me to share, fortunately, of that particular look.)

What is interesting about this journey right now in my life, I notice that I am returning to myself much like I did in middle school.  The phase I am finally abandoning simply lasted 24 years.


Kristin Springfield

Tree hugger and loving it

No more mind trickery!

no more mind trickery!

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Posted on: September 27, 2015 • 2 Comments

I am no longer responsible for the past.  I did the very best that I could with what I knew at the time.  That is what we all do at all times, unless we are intentionally manipulating the emotions of another.  I can’t change the past, nor do I get some sort of credit for reworking it in my head.  It makes me laugh when I finally stop the madness of mental trickery.  I have spent countless hours dissecting the past.  I can slice it and decide what I could have done differently in order to alter the outcome. Or at least what I could have done so I might have looked better, stronger, or less sad.   I have perfected that skill in such a way that I tend to jump into the future.  I practice conversations that will most likely never happen.  I can’t remember how many times I meet my second ex husband in my mind.  These imaginary interactions varied greatly but always included the minimum of the exchange of the word hello.  Well, that is not how it happened when I actually saw him in real life the day before I left on this journey.   When I saw him I made positive eye contact and sent love to his highest self.  No word left my lips.  That was the very best thing I could have done. So, I am releasing this ridiculous mental mind garbage of wasting the perfect present with planning the future and dissecting the past.  I trust that I will do the very best that I can at the time.  Just think of all the energy I will be saving!  I can only imagine what I will do with that newly available energy!



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Let it go in the enchanted forest

Let it go in the enchanted forest!

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Posted on: September 26, 2015 • 0 Comments

Glacier park served up an amazing day!  The lakes, mountains and trees feed my soul in a whole new way.  The day started with a walk through the enchanted forest.  The forest ground was soft due to all of the moss.  I felt like I was in a Disney movie.  Except the wild life is real and can’t speak English.  The trees smelled so wonderful.  The smell of earth and growth just consumed the area. Just so peaceful and inviting.  Some were growing straight out of rock.  If these incredible trees can grow out of rock, I can certainly grow regardless of where I am planted.

I took a yoga class outside one day and the instructor said something that has stuck with me.  She shared that she was very frustrated with where she was living and her mood was foul.  Her mother told her to bloom where you are planted.  I am not currently planted anywhere, yet it is important to bloom wherever I am.  Today in Glacier I decided to bloom.  In order to bloom I have to put a few things down.  While in the enchanted forests, I decided to let go.  I let go of the past pain, for it no longer serves me.  I let go of the idea and attachments I have held so dearly to relationships, for they too limit my ability to experience myself and to express love fully.  I let go of what I thought I was suppose to be, for those thoughts were created as a child without any understanding of authentic love.  I actually forgive myself, for I did the very best that I could at the time with what I understood to be true.  I then allow the peace to wash over me.

Whether I like it or not, it is difficult to truly put the past down.  I drove today through an area of the forest that burned about 3 years ago.  There are numerous dead, burnt trees in the midst of a vibrant new forest.  The dead trees provide nutrients for the new trees and new growth.  Nature offers so many examples for life.  Out of death there comes new vibrant life.  It reminds me of my favorite scene from Fantasia 2000 with the fairy.  That new life is there because of the death of the past.  The past offers nutrients and space for new growth.  Truly letting go of my past means that I allow and offer space for new ideas and opportunities to grow.

I remember quitting smoking a long time ago.  Declaring that I quit was easy in comparison to not lighting up a cigarette 1000 times a day.  Letting the past go is similar to quitting smoking for me.  I realize intellectually that it does not serve my emotional or physical health, yet there  is still a pull to pick it up and light it.  Everyday I make 1000 micro-decisions to stay true to myself and stay in this beautiful present moment.  I know that I am doing the very best that I can and may falter with a desire to pick up the past in order to pretend how I should have done things differently.  I just keep breathing in and out the very fresh air that is around me.  An amazing chant to ground me is to remember I have arrived while I breathe in and I am home as I breathe out.  However, on the really difficult days, I am so glad to find myself behind a car with someone smoking a cigarette and I breathe in deeply my past for just a moment.  I can then let it go a little bit more. If nothing else works, all I have to do is crank up the theme song from Disney’s Frozen, Let it go, then I feel so much better!