Untying my life knot

Untying my life knot

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Posted on: September 23, 2015 • 2 Comments

Today was a driving day from Pray, MT to Kalispel, MT.  Roughly 6 hours in the car.  Driving days provide me with the opportunity to sing any song I desire as loud as possible, listen to books, catch up with family and friends on the phone, and stop as much as I want.  Today did not disappoint in any of those areas.

Talking with my brother today reminded me of many things. Because I am on this journey, there are many new privileges I’d like to share.  It doesn’t matter what day it is.  I don’t even know the day of the week and it is wonderful!  I would so fail an orientation test and be labeled with a dementia diagnosis.  Who cares?! All I have to keep up with is how many days am I staying where I am currently sleeping.  The particular day of the week makes no difference.  Wow, that feels good!  What feels even better, is that the time of day is irrelevant.  I sleep when I am tired, eat when hungry and hike when it works for me.  I so love this trip!  He also reminded me that I am loved as I am.  That my silly quirky self is enough and good.  He said this journey was like untying a knot.  That some days it is easier than others, yet untying the knot reveals more of the truth about who I am.

I remember having necklaces get all knotted up.  There was great frustration in trying to work the knots out.  The hard part was that I could not see where to start or which way to pull. After what seemed like eternity and getting nowhere, I would try a different technique.  I would close my eyes.  To my surprise with gently feeling the knot it would slowly begin to loosen.  Then when reopening my eyes the area to pull on next became obvious.  Before I knew it the necklace would be free of knots.

I am unraveling my life “knot” right now.  Up to the point I left for this journey, my eyes were wide open staring, pulling and tugging at my life knot.  The same twisted result continued to appear right in front of me.  I have finally closed my eyes and opened my heart.  This meant I had to take a leap of faith, trust what my heart was saying, and quit my life as I knew it.  I remember the sleepless night when I realized I needed to quit my job.  My ego was screaming at me, “What the hell are you doing?  Open your eyes?”  Continuing to listen and follow my heart has not been easy, yet it has been so worth it.  I find myself continuing to say that I have no idea what life with “look” like when this journey is complete.  Yet, you know what?  I don’t care what it will look like.  I know that it will feel complete, open and free of old life knots.    Exactly what I am supposed to do next will show up.  As hokey as that sounds, I believe it.  Look at all the crazy stuff that has “magically” appeared so far.  Just trust my heart and get out of the way is all I have to do.  I think doing the 10+ miles of walking lunges yesterday was easier!

This solo journey makes sense now.  Hugging trees feels not only fun but necessary.  Connecting back to nature is where my heart belongs.  I had to do this alone in order to stop looking at the knot and start putting one scared foot in front of the other until I am not scared anymore.

Namaste!

Kristin

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Grand Canyon Rainbow

Grand Canyon Rainbow

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Posted on: October 22, 2015 • 0 Comments

Visiting the Grand Canyon for the second time today provided healing with a rainbow.

About 15 years ago I had a recurring dream of seeing myself meditate on the edge of the Grand Canyon.  In that dream I remember an overwhelming sense of peace as eagles flew up from within the canyon.  In the dream I was watching myself and the scenery.  I was not within my own body.  3 years ago I had the opportunity to visit the west rim of the canyon while on a trip to Las Vegas.  I did get to sit on the edge of the canyon in real life.  The meditation was quick as I was on tour with a group and there was a time limit.  There were birds that were flying up from the canyon and the rock formation out in front of where I was seated was called Eagle Point.  It was one of those amazing moments where parts of a dream become real.

I wanted to return to a different section of the canyon alone in order to have a new experience.  That is exactly what I received.  It was refreshing in a calm and healing way.  Traveling alone has provided me with the luxury to do what I am led to do without regard for anything else.  With this solo journey I am not looking for validation to see if someone agrees with where I find peace and beauty.  I simply go where I am curious and do what I desire.  Today’s weather was cloudy, rainy and cold.  Not exactly what I particularly like concerning weather, yet my thoughts were,  ”I am here and I am doing this.”

Three years ago I saw the canyon with my eyes.  This visit was about seeing it with my heart. Upon arriving at Cape Royal, which has the best view of the North Rim per the visitor center, I was greeted with pouring raining.  I wanted to meditate again at the canyon ledge.  So rather than go sit in the rain, I meditated in the car. I suppose with my imagination, it is possible to meditate on the edge of the canyon at anytime from any place I want, but I actually did want to literally do this.  Just as I completed my last breath of the meditation the rain stopped.  Quickly layering up, as it was still cold outside, I jumped out of the car and started down the hike to Cape Royal.  During the hike the sky slowly started to open up to allow the sun to shine through.  I just kept imagining the sun on my face with the clouds clearing as I approached the outlook point.  Oh My God!  It was spectacular!  Words can’t describe this vast beauty!

Seeing with my heart and eyes provided such a fulfilling experience.  So much has happened since I last visited this park.  I stood before the canyon with gratitude and peace that I did not fully embrace during my first visit.  To remember this experience I found a heart shaped rock and 2 others to bring with me as I move to my next spot.  There is something about holding a piece of nature from all of the hikes along my journey.  I will cherish these rocks always!

The rain held off for awhile and I wandered around a few other outlook points.  At my last stop, Bright Angel Point, there was this intense rainbow.  It warmed my heart and soul.  A smile crosses my face as I think about how on this day I make my return to an amazing park, yet this time alone, and there is first rain and then a rainbow.  When in the middle of a storm it is sometimes overlooked that in order to experience the beauty of a rainbow there must first be rain.

Namaste!

Kristin Springfield

It’s there, even if you can’t see it with your eyes.

It’s there, even if you can’t see it with your eyes.

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Posted on: October 19, 2015 • 0 Comments

Today in the rain I head to Bryce Canyon. I pull on my newly learned magic (visualization) and imagined the clouds opening when I am to see the Hoodoos. Upon walking up to the edge all I can see is the inside cloud.  As I arrive at the edge and look down, I can see these amazing formations, but they are difficult to see clearly with all of the rain and clouds. With my 7 deep breaths of gratitude and love I notice the clouds begin to open. The sun comes through and shows me the extensive beauty below. Ahh! What a gift; nature and sight!

As I head down to see the Queen’s Garden the beauty continues to open up. Even under the cloud cover there are stunning formations unfolding before my eyes. The light from above revealed so much depth and details that seemed to feel like my heart was opening just as the clouds did.  At that moment,  I realize that I only need to be able to see the next step to take and the rest that I can see is truly a gift.

As I return to the car the rain returns. I travel to 2 outlook points, but can only see inside the cloud again. The reminder that washes over me is that just because I can’t see it, doesn’t mean that it is not there.  As I just saw formations in the sunlight.  Much of life is like that.  There are many things that we neglect to pay attention to that are happening around us all the time.  Or even when I can’t see a quick and easy solution to something, does not mean there is no solution.  It means I need to look harder or look with my heart instead.

I rely on my eyes to show me what is there, what options I have, and if I am on the right path. I understand that sight is not the only sensation at my disposal. I can listen. Maybe try to give my eyes the break and listen for a bit. While standing at inspiration point, I closed my eyes to listen. It was peaceful. Birds continued to sing. The sound of the gentle rain was calming. There was a quiet that I rarely notice. In that quiet I could listen to my heart beat, to my breathing, and nature. Feeling is another sensation with guidance that is often missed. Today the sensation of the rain on my face was refreshing as I ascended out of the canyon. The feeling of the sun on my face when the clouds moved out of the way, was rejuvenating. The feeling of soreness in my muscles reminded me of my strength and accomplishment of yesterday. The sound and feeling of my labored breathing on part of the hike reminded me that the wind within me has the power to keep me moving upward. The water and coffee provided a delight in the day through taste.

Trust that life will bring to me all that I need, even if it is uncomfortable at the moment while waiting. Now that is an unlearning process. I am new to this way of life navigation.  I previously would do just about anything to avoid discomfort.  Now I understand that discomfort carries with it great information for growth and authentic living.  Just keep breathing consciously and pausing to connect to my heart. So far that provides a calmness under my skin and in my heart that I rarely felt in the past.  Beauty is all around me, I simply need to look with my heart and all of my senses to experience that beauty fully!

Namaste!

Kristin Springfield